bored

Ok, I'm bored. Anybody wants to "date" me out? :P

wedding dinner

Sorry, it's not mines, but Yum's (one of my ex-big boss). He, who is in his late 40s, finally tied the knot yesterday with a Burmese wife who is in her 20s. How they fell in love at first sight? That's a long long story ... His wedding was really interesting, got cultural dance performance by the students of the Myanmar community in SP... an eye-opening stuff despite of my previous two trips to Myanmar for missions.

Anyway, the wedding was kind of like another SCO gathering. The last few former Directors and lots of other familiar faces were being invited for the din-din. My first boss, Alfred, whom I reported to on my first day 10 years ago, also attended the dinner. He had a very glaring name-card which declared his status as "Deputy CEO" in one of the NTU startups but claimed to be "bao sang bao hai". During the dinner, I also found out that there are another two more big bosses leaving the company for greener pasture. Definitely, the pay, which was offered, had to be so good that they are willing to forego the year-end bonus.

Some people came to me and expressed their disappointments to me that I was very irresponsible ... for not being "automatic".... for not telling them that I was leaving my job. Hahaha... ooops... Actually, they were happy for me, just short of not telling them at all. Well, I really wanted this to be a hush-hush affair, so I did not "mass broadcast". Oh, come on, my job was only "wash floor, wash toilet bowl, pour coffee, pour tea".... nothing glamorous lar. But the way they "complained" to me, actually made me felt kind of honored to have acquainted with them in the working relationship after all these years. To those whom I did not bid farewell and happen to be reading this, sorry for not telling you that I was going off ... but really, I thank you for the good and bad times, the thick and the thin, the camaraderie, the bonding ... :)

Charng Ran was sitting with me on the same table. Both of us were in the same Division before I left, but doing different projects. Since the first day he met me last year, he kept claiming to have seen me before. It was only during this dinner that I found this out - we had been school-mates since we were primary one in 1973. Throughout the dinner, other than those intermittent pee-breaks, the cultural dances and the yum-seng, we were chatting the old days, trying to find out what had happened to all the teachers and schoolmates we knew - people like konghuai, who is also known as Arthur Ling now heading the Fei-Yue, yuanjun who is now in ISS as an instructor for OO programming, minghui (not gez lar... hahaha) who is now a manager in a software house, minggang who is now in SingTel as a manager .... Hmmm, I wonder what has happened to yucai and qixian, and in certain sense, I really hoped I could get to meet up with them someday. Somehow, I could just feel that tinge of nostalgia seeping in... and a sense of loss too.

Only God knows where they are and what has happened to them..

(testimonial)

DD Leonard really wrote my testimonial which I had collected on last Monday. I didn't want to open and read it at first ... seriously, what was there to write about since my work and contributions are kacang-puteh. But when I read it that night, it was very wordy document, really over-rated, used very "chim" words. I am really not worthy of such a testimonial. It really belongs to God. To Papa up there, this testimonial is dedicated back to You. Thank You for the opportunity for me to do my best and glorify You over the past 10 years. :)

another milestone

Today marks another milestone in my life. One of those rare milestones whom people in this world will deem me as freaking idiot to traverse this route... hur, say all you like, man.

Kind of having this mixed emotion now ... yeah, the "mother-in-law driving over the cliff in your new car" type of feeling ... being so used to my usual routine of past 15 years and to break away from it will mean hopping out of that comfort zone.

Thankfully, I'll be kept busy for this month because of the trip and a short one to Malaysia with my ex-colleague. And I still have my driving lessons to complete, so that may help to keep my brain cells alive till my intended course commences.

Sometimes, I just wish that the course would start sooner, then I don't have to "nuah" a lot.

Then again, maybe that's His way of making me spending more time with Him ... :P

six more days

Just returned to office from another farewell lunch organised by my boss and my project gang at Tumbuah Mas @ Tanglin SC. BURRRRRRRRRRRP, very shiok. But also feel like dozing off because of the rice and chendol. I will definitely miss this bunch of people whom I've worked with since 4 years ago.

Six more days to go and I'll be officially a jobless bloke!

Mattyflower tried to book me last night. GEZ tried the same this morning. Really, I'm very touched by their kind gestures and even just the thought of remembering actually meant a lot to me :). Managed to tentatively set the makan on next Sunday evening with GEZ and hope that I don't gena all those last-minute missiles and nasty bombshells, especially just before flying off and since beeling won't be in Singapore to deal with them. But seriously, thank you very much, guys.

Hmmm, how is ah ray doing nowadays ah?

I was looking out the window while travelling back to office just now. The sky was overcast, and the trees by the roadside were soaring high with its leaves pointing to the sky and swaying with the wind. These trees had been firmly rooted in their position for very long time, enduring the scorching sun, withstanding the heavy downpour and the wind. The sun definitely helps them in their photosynthesis process, the downpour gives them water. The wind? well, I don't know ... making sure they remain extremely rigid and sturdy in the face of violent storms? A strong and firm tree will not “wither” and will prosper in the way for which it was created.

And I ponder ... aren't we supposed to be like the trees, deeply rooted in His words, constantly maintaining a deep and intimate relationship with God, and remain strong and sturdy despite all the winds and storms of our life, to bear the fruits of the Spirit? .... or do we want to be trees which can be easily ripped off from the ground by just one heavy storm ?

Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers. (Psalm 1:1-3)

I really like how rags, in his blog, put his thought across pertaining to "getting old" ... and rags, if you ever happen to stumble upon this blog, hope you don't mind me "cutting and pasting" this particular entry of yours:

Growing Up
(blogged by Rags on 15 Nov 05 at 2.05am)

My kids are growing up. Mei Si just came back from her trip to Genting Highlands with my mum in law, her first one week break from her parents and siblings. May Ann has just gone for orientation at her new primary school. Chern Han just learned to say things like "mine" and "I want".

As the kids grows up, we grow older too. I realise that somehow the older we get, the more attracted we are to things that are deeper, quieter and appear more spiritual. Maybe we are in our twilight years where the thrill has gone and we stop having hunger for a good rush of blood through the head anymore. We start to think and feel a little bit reflectively. I woke up early yesterday morning so I read the much neglected old testament book of Amos to realise how God would roar from Zion, send fire upon houses and consume citadels and things in Judah, Israel and the neighbouring nations. He declare in 4:11 onward that though he did all that, yet people have not returned to him and therefore He will keep doing them.. and plead for them to prepare to meet their God.

As old as God was at that time, He hasn't really lost it. His passion for people was evident there in the old book of Amos. From then til when He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross and even now as we all lived, He hasn't slow down .. He still longs for us to call Him and to meet Him. I think making me older is His way of helping me dwell in Him a little bit easier. Rich Mullins say that God is a wild man and I have to agree that He is ...like a mad man who would do crazy things just to get our attention.

His love is sometimes resting at his bosom but sometimes it is with a whole lot of fire. He may not love the way we sentimentalise it to be, but nevertheless it is still love. Some call it tough love... some call it perfect love. I don't know if I can describe it but to me it is a mad and crazy love that is undying and passionate, a love that nothing can fully describe and even if can be closely, it has to be tasted to be complete. I hope as we grow old, we can taste more and more of it so that the older we get (rather than being finished) we can be more complete.

me' floe kwin

Drug Information: Mefloquine
Taken from http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/medmaster/a603030.html
pronounced as me' floe kwin

Why is this medication prescribed?
Mefloquine is used to treat malaria (a serious infection that is spread by mosquitoes in certain parts of the world and can cause death) and to prevent malaria in travelers who visit areas where malaria is common. Mefloquine is in a class of medications called antimalarials. It works by killing the organisms that cause malaria.

How should this medicine be used?
Mefloquine comes as a tablet to take by mouth. If you are taking mefloquine to prevent malaria, you will probably take it once a week (on the same day each week). You will begin treatment 1-3 weeks before you travel to an area where malaria is common and should continue treatment for 4 weeks after you return from the area. If you are taking mefloquine to treat malaria, your doctor will tell you exactly how often you should take it. Always take mefloquine with food (preferably your main meal) and at least 8 ounces of water. Children may take smaller but more frequent doses of mefloquine. Follow the directions on your prescription label carefully, and ask your doctor or pharmacist to explain any part you do not understand. Take mefloquine exactly as directed. Do not take more or less of it or take it more often than prescribed by your doctor.

The tablets may be swallowed whole or crushed and mixed with a liquid such as water, milk, or sugar water.

If you are taking mefloquine to treat malaria, you may vomit soon after you take the medication. If you vomit less than 30 minutes after you take mefloquine, you should take another full dose of mefloquine. If you vomit 30-60 minutes after you take mefloquine, you should take another half dose of mefloquine. If you vomit again after taking the extra dose, call your doctor.

Other uses for this medicine
This medication may be prescribed for other uses; ask your doctor or pharmacist for more information.

What special precautions should I follow?
Before taking mefloquine,

1. tell your doctor and pharmacist if you are allergic to mefloquine, chloroquine (Aralen), hydroxychloroquine (Plaquenil), quinidine (Quinadex), quinine or any other medications.
2. tell your doctor and pharmacist what prescription and nonprescription medications, vitamins, nutritional supplements, and herbal products you are taking. Be sure to mention any of the following: anticoagulants ('blood thinners'); antidepressants such as amitriptyline (Elavil), amoxapine (Asendin), clomipramine (Anafranil), desipramine (Norpramin), doxepin (Adapin, Sinequan), imipramine (Tofranil), nortriptyline (Aventyl, Pamelor), protriptyline (Vivactil), and trimipramine (Surmontil); antihistamines; calcium channel blockers such as amlodipine (Norvasc), diltiazem (Cardizem, Dilacor, Tiazac, others), felodipine (Plendil), isradipine (DynaCirc), nicardipine (Cardene), nifedipine (Adalat, Procardia), nimodipine (Nimotop), nisoldipine (Sular), and verapamil (Calan, Isoptin, Verelan); beta blockers such as atenolol (Tenormin), labetalol (Normodyne), metoprolol (Lopressor, Toprol XL), nadolol (Corgard), and propranolol (Inderal); chloroquine (Aralen); halofantrine (Halfan); hydroxychloroquine (Plaquenil); medication for diabetes, mental illness, seizures and upset stomach; medications for irregular heartbeat such as quinidine (Quinaglute, Quinidex); and quinine. Your doctor may need to change the doses of your medications or monitor you carefully for side effects.
3. tell your doctor if you have or have ever had a mental illness such as depression, generalized anxiety disorder, psychosis (losing touch with reality), or schizophrenia (abnormal thoughts or feelings); seizures; or eye, liver or heart disease.
4. tell your doctor if you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. You should use birth control while you are visiting an area where malaria is common and while you are taking mefloquine and for 3 months after you stop taking it. If you become pregnant while taking mefloquine, call your doctor. You should not breastfeed while taking mefloquine.
5. you should know that mefloquine may make you drowsy and dizzy. These symptoms may continue for a while after you stop taking mefloquine. Do not drive a car or operate machinery until you know how this medication affects you.
6. you should know that mefloquine decreases your risk of becoming infected with malaria but does not guarantee that you will not become infected. You still need to protect yourself from mosquito bites by wearing long sleeves and long pants and using mosquito repellant and a bednet while you are in an area where malaria is common.
7. you should know that the first symptoms of malaria are fever, chills, muscle pain, and headaches.
If you are taking mefloquine to prevent malaria, call your doctor immediately if you develop any of these symptoms. Be sure to tell your doctor that you may have been exposed to malaria.
8. you should plan what to do in case you experience serious side effects from mefloquine and have to stop taking the medication, especially if you are not near a doctor or pharmacy. You will have to get another medication to protect you from malaria. If no other medication is available, you will have to leave the area where malaria is common, and then get another medication to protect you from malaria.
9. if you are taking mefloquine to treat malaria, your symptoms should improve within 48-72 hours after you finish your treatment. Call your doctor if your symptoms do not improve after this time.
10. do not have any vaccinations (shots) without talking to your doctor. Your doctor may want you to finish all of your vaccinations 3 days before you start taking mefloquine.
11. you should know that mefloquine may damage your liver or eyes if you take it for a long time. Your doctor will tell you if you should have your eyes and liver checked while taking mefloquine.

What special dietary instructions should I follow?
Unless your doctor tells you otherwise, continue your normal diet.

What should I do if I forget a dose?
Take the missed dose as soon as you remember it. However, if it is almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Do not take a double dose to make up for a missed one.

What side effects can this medication cause?
Mefloquine may cause side effects. Tell your doctor if any of these symptoms are severe or do not go away:

- upset stomach
- vomiting
- diarrhea
- stomach pain
- loss of appetite
- muscle pain
- dizziness
- loss of balance
- ringing in ears
- headache
- sleepiness
- difficulty falling or staying asleep
- unusual dreams

Some side effects can be serious. The following symptoms are uncommon, but if you experience any of them, call your doctor immediately:

- tingling in your fingers or toes
- difficulty walking
- seizures
- shaking of arms or legs that you cannot control
- nervousness or extreme worry
- depression
- changes in mood
- panic attack
- forgetfulness
- confusion
- hallucinations (seeing things or hearing voices that do not exist)
- violent behavior
- losing touch with reality
- feeling that others want to harm you
- thoughts of hurting or killing yourself
- rash

Mefloquine may cause other side effects. You may continue to experience side effects for some time after you take your last dose. Call your doctor if you have any unusual problems while taking this medication.

What storage conditions are needed for this medicine?
Keep this medication in the container it came in, tightly closed, and out of reach of children. Store it at room temperature and away from excess heat and moisture (not in the bathroom). Throw away any medication that is outdated or no longer needed. Talk to your pharmacist about the proper disposal of your medication.

In case of emergency/overdose
In case of overdose, call your local poison control center at 1-800-222-1222. If the victim has collapsed or is not breathing, call local emergency services at 911.

Symptoms of overdose may include:

- upset stomach
- vomiting
- diarrhea
- stomach pain
- dizziness
- loss of balance
- headache
- sleepiness
- difficulty falling or staying asleep
- unusual dreams
- tingling in your fingers or toes
- difficulty walking
- seizures
- changes in mental health

What other information should I know?
Keep all appointments with your doctor and the laboratory. Your doctor may order certain lab tests and periodic eye examinations to check your body's response to mefloquine.

Do not let anyone else take your medication. Ask your pharmacist any questions you have about refilling your prescription.

Brand name(s):
Lariam®

Last Revised - 01/01/2004

Very interesting ...

TTSH prescribed me this medication to protect myself against malaria, but the side effects may just kill me before I coud finish the required dosages. Sounds very contradicting. Hahahaha. Anyway, it's not my first time taking this medication ... but still, I'll never know .... Haizzzzzz.

Dosage 1 of 8 starts today. Here goes nothing .......

quit!

I gave up!
I surrendered!
Really, no hope at all.
I tried and there's no way to salvage it.
This is it. I am calling it quits...
.
.
.
I'm going to replace the stupid faulty hard disk on my PC.

... hmm, and what are you actually thinking of ?

It's been eon since I last wrote. Kind of busy lately ... handing over of duties, farewell lunches and dinners, tackling all those Fever 05's last-minute bombshells and admin matters, frisbee training for the trip, equipping my medical pouch for the trip, backing up the youth baptism class which half of my cell are attending the course, attending soulish living seminar conducted by Ps Benny Ho, preparing cell group sharing, fiddling with my stupid PC's hard disk which suddenly failed on me ... all these rolled into one, like a california maki. And every night when I hit home, I was already half dead.

But really, there's nothing interesting to write about. Boring man like me has a boring life. But through these two weeks, spiritual warfare had also been quite intense. Been feeling it everyday actually. It's like clinging on to Pa's hands while the devil is trying to suck me dry with his vacuum cleaner. Making me feel like a stupid yo-yo but Pa has its way of reminding me to pray like mad and trust in Him like mad. The war is not over yet ... and I know that as long as I'm on God's quests, it will always be there.

Now, I got three boys who will be under my charge - Nic, Arie and Benjamin (from Ezra's cell). For those 8 days, I need strength! I need mercy! I need patience! I need miracles! No, no, no ... I need to seek political asylum as well ! Hahahaha ... but somehow, I still love them all.

Whoa! News travels fast indeed. Uncle Vincent knew about it (I'm not surprised if he did :) ). But Ps John also knew about it too? Ah.... many thanks to Mattathias.

[buttprints in the sand ...]

Funny but quite true...

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some strange prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
Those prints are large and round and neat,
"But Lord, they are too big for feet."

"My child," He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you along.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."

"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."

"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

-- author unknown

Time to go home and hit the sack. I still got a long way back home.

brave

Written and performed by Nicole Nordeman

[1st STANZA]
The gate is wide
The road is paved to moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
It's safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been

Cuz it's been fear
That ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love
That cuts the strings

[CHORUS]
So long, status quo
I think I've just let go
You make me wanna be brave
The way it always was
It's no longer good enough
You make me wanna be brave
Brave, brave

[2nd STANZA]
I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
To say Your name
Just Your name, and I'm ready to go
Even ready to fall

Wided-eyed
Take this foul compromise
Why did I
Try to keep it all inside

[BRIDGE]
I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
And every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if You believe in me
That changes everything

I have been hearing this song being spun every other hour ever day over the Spirit1053 (Seattle's Christian Radio Station) via Internet streaming while working in office. The tune was catchy and before long, it will just be humming it away whenever they play it. But as I hum, I was inspired. I was encouraged.

"So long, status quo
I think I've just let go
You make me wanna be brave"

Nicole Nordeman wrote this song for her 2-year old son, Charlie. But it has become a universal declaration which we sing this to our Creator. As Nicole puts it, "He is the ultimate source of our courage and willingness to step out on the shakiest of branches".

It need not be some big things or events. It can just be those small little tasks we encounter in our life. For me, one such example is the courage to leave my current job and pursue my psycho course, but also to see where the Lord leads. Another incident was armed with few basic conversational words, I had to communicate Tamil with our indian friends in Little India for an hour on a Saturday afternoon, as part of missions training. Simple task but requires the boldness in us to step out of our comfort zone, courage to communicate, not letting our fear grip us and not afraid of being ashamed or embarrassed. Seriously, it was quite nerve wrecking and quite a challange. See? I was so chicken-hearted and fearful... and still am.

It's ultimately our choice. Boldness and courage follows if we choose to do it and when we place our trust, our faith and our hope on the ultimate Giver of Life.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - Phil 4 : 13

If I choose, I can ....

Still learning.... still learning.

interview

Went back to DTTA this morning. Not sure if this would be my very last trip back there .. but sure brought back some good old memories when I was stationed in DTT from 1995 to 2001.

Had won-ton mee breakfast in Tower A canteen. Had that almost everyday when I was in DTTA. Maybe that's how I'd become fat over a period of time. The lady-boss could still recognise me. She thought I've long gone from the company .. but she didn't know I'm really going to be long gone this time round. The noodles had always been very nice to chew and so were the wontons. I am going to miss her food, man.

Met up with DD Leonard at 9am. Probably I was one of the very few who is allowed to comment on his obesity in the past, nick-name him "lard-man" (derived from his name and his size in 1999) and argue with him if I were to disagree any points he surfaced. One thing for sure, he's a very techie guy and you can never smoke him out on that. But somehow, after all these years, he has earned my respect as a boss who actually values staff's ideas, does whatever is within his means to help them, to think of ways to motivate them to improve their technical capabilities and marketability (such as certifications) which can be very useful if they were to leave. After knowing him for so long, without fail, he does what he preaches.

He fought for my promotion in 2000 to the graduate grade... even I was and still am a non-uni gradutate. He succeeded in that.

He tried to fight for my promo this year again during the ranking exercise, petitioning to DCE level.... obviously, it failed. He was very frustrated. Not the fault of my DD or DCE... it's the HR system thing.... hahahaha.. doesn't matter anyway, he has done what he could ... and what matters was that God got to be glorified and honoured.

When he said "you deserve better than what you are getting now", I think I have already done what I can to honour Pa in my work and giving Him all the glory He deserves. I think that itself is a consolation and a joy ... never mind the pay rise or promo.

DD wanted to hold me back, but he also knew me quite well, that stubborn streak in me ... and so, he didn't. He actually said it. Hahaha. But, interestingly, he also said this ... with all the changes happening inside the organisation, to stay put is a much greater risk than moving out to venture. Many people are still not aware and it's like a train waiting to come crashing in ... I think that's the affirmation from Pa for me to leave.

He volunteered to write me a testimonial ... whooooa! Normally, resigned staff will have to ask from their boss, but he volunteered to write one for me without me asking (in fact, I forgot all about the testimonial thing already) ... :) And he's willing to help me find another job out there to move on. WHOOOOA! :"). Seriously, I'm touched by his gestures. When I told him I'll be taking a complete switch into Psychology.. he got excited and told me his sister-in-law is currently doing it on part-time basis and he doesn't mind linking me to her. Told me this psychology thingy is a growing "industry"... many people would need it ... especially when IR comes alive and the victims would need credit counselling. Hmmm .... see how Pa leads ba.

I can only thank Pa for my DD. I only hope that he will come to know who Jesus is in due time.

I don't know how my future will evolve even with my initial plans, but I know He holds the future.