heart of a ragamuffin man (cafe chewy version 2)

bored

2005-12-09T18:17:00.000+08:00

Ok, I'm bored. Anybody wants to "date" me out? :P

wedding dinner

2005-12-09T18:09:00.000+08:00

Sorry, it's not mines, but Yum's (one of my ex-big boss). He, who is in his late 40s, finally tied the knot yesterday with a Burmese wife who is in her 20s. How they fell in love at first sight? That's a long long story ... His wedding was really interesting, got cultural dance performance by the students of the Myanmar community in SP... an eye-opening stuff despite of my previous two trips to Myanmar for missions.

Anyway, the wedding was kind of like another SCO gathering. The last few former Directors and lots of other familiar faces were being invited for the din-din. My first boss, Alfred, whom I reported to on my first day 10 years ago, also attended the dinner. He had a very glaring name-card which declared his status as "Deputy CEO" in one of the NTU startups but claimed to be "bao sang bao hai". During the dinner, I also found out that there are another two more big bosses leaving the company for greener pasture. Definitely, the pay, which was offered, had to be so good that they are willing to forego the year-end bonus.

Some people came to me and expressed their disappointments to me that I was very irresponsible ... for not being "automatic".... for not telling them that I was leaving my job. Hahaha... ooops... Actually, they were happy for me, just short of not telling them at all. Well, I really wanted this to be a hush-hush affair, so I did not "mass broadcast". Oh, come on, my job was only "wash floor, wash toilet bowl, pour coffee, pour tea".... nothing glamorous lar. But the way they "complained" to me, actually made me felt kind of honored to have acquainted with them in the working relationship after all these years. To those whom I did not bid farewell and happen to be reading this, sorry for not telling you that I was going off ... but really, I thank you for the good and bad times, the thick and the thin, the camaraderie, the bonding ... :)

Charng Ran was sitting with me on the same table. Both of us were in the same Division before I left, but doing different projects. Since the first day he met me last year, he kept claiming to have seen me before. It was only during this dinner that I found this out - we had been school-mates since we were primary one in 1973. Throughout the dinner, other than those intermittent pee-breaks, the cultural dances and the yum-seng, we were chatting the old days, trying to find out what had happened to all the teachers and schoolmates we knew - people like konghuai, who is also known as Arthur Ling now heading the Fei-Yue, yuanjun who is now in ISS as an instructor for OO programming, minghui (not gez lar... hahaha) who is now a manager in a software house, minggang who is now in SingTel as a manager .... Hmmm, I wonder what has happened to yucai and qixian, and in certain sense, I really hoped I could get to meet up with them someday. Somehow, I could just feel that tinge of nostalgia seeping in... and a sense of loss too.

Only God knows where they are and what has happened to them..

(testimonial)

DD Leonard really wrote my testimonial which I had collected on last Monday. I didn't want to open and read it at first ... seriously, what was there to write about since my work and contributions are kacang-puteh. But when I read it that night, it was very wordy document, really over-rated, used very "chim" words. I am really not worthy of such a testimonial. It really belongs to God. To Papa up there, this testimonial is dedicated back to You. Thank You for the opportunity for me to do my best and glorify You over the past 10 years. :)

another milestone

2005-12-07T12:22:00.000+08:00

Today marks another milestone in my life. One of those rare milestones whom people in this world will deem me as freaking idiot to traverse this route... hur, say all you like, man.

Kind of having this mixed emotion now ... yeah, the "mother-in-law driving over the cliff in your new car" type of feeling ... being so used to my usual routine of past 15 years and to break away from it will mean hopping out of that comfort zone.

Thankfully, I'll be kept busy for this month because of the trip and a short one to Malaysia with my ex-colleague. And I still have my driving lessons to complete, so that may help to keep my brain cells alive till my intended course commences.

Sometimes, I just wish that the course would start sooner, then I don't have to "nuah" a lot.

Then again, maybe that's His way of making me spending more time with Him ... :P

six more days

2005-11-30T14:06:00.000+08:00

Just returned to office from another farewell lunch organised by my boss and my project gang at Tumbuah Mas @ Tanglin SC. BURRRRRRRRRRRP, very shiok. But also feel like dozing off because of the rice and chendol. I will definitely miss this bunch of people whom I've worked with since 4 years ago.

Six more days to go and I'll be officially a jobless bloke!

Mattyflower tried to book me last night. GEZ tried the same this morning. Really, I'm very touched by their kind gestures and even just the thought of remembering actually meant a lot to me :). Managed to tentatively set the makan on next Sunday evening with GEZ and hope that I don't gena all those last-minute missiles and nasty bombshells, especially just before flying off and since beeling won't be in Singapore to deal with them. But seriously, thank you very much, guys.

Hmmm, how is ah ray doing nowadays ah?

I was looking out the window while travelling back to office just now. The sky was overcast, and the trees by the roadside were soaring high with its leaves pointing to the sky and swaying with the wind. These trees had been firmly rooted in their position for very long time, enduring the scorching sun, withstanding the heavy downpour and the wind. The sun definitely helps them in their photosynthesis process, the downpour gives them water. The wind? well, I don't know ... making sure they remain extremely rigid and sturdy in the face of violent storms? A strong and firm tree will not “wither” and will prosper in the way for which it was created.

And I ponder ... aren't we supposed to be like the trees, deeply rooted in His words, constantly maintaining a deep and intimate relationship with God, and remain strong and sturdy despite all the winds and storms of our life, to bear the fruits of the Spirit? .... or do we want to be trees which can be easily ripped off from the ground by just one heavy storm ?

Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers. (Psalm 1:1-3)

I really like how rags, in his blog, put his thought across pertaining to "getting old" ... and rags, if you ever happen to stumble upon this blog, hope you don't mind me "cutting and pasting" this particular entry of yours:

Growing Up
(blogged by Rags on 15 Nov 05 at 2.05am)

My kids are growing up. Mei Si just came back from her trip to Genting Highlands with my mum in law, her first one week break from her parents and siblings. May Ann has just gone for orientation at her new primary school. Chern Han just learned to say things like "mine" and "I want".

As the kids grows up, we grow older too. I realise that somehow the older we get, the more attracted we are to things that are deeper, quieter and appear more spiritual. Maybe we are in our twilight years where the thrill has gone and we stop having hunger for a good rush of blood through the head anymore. We start to think and feel a little bit reflectively. I woke up early yesterday morning so I read the much neglected old testament book of Amos to realise how God would roar from Zion, send fire upon houses and consume citadels and things in Judah, Israel and the neighbouring nations. He declare in 4:11 onward that though he did all that, yet people have not returned to him and therefore He will keep doing them.. and plead for them to prepare to meet their God.

As old as God was at that time, He hasn't really lost it. His passion for people was evident there in the old book of Amos. From then til when He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross and even now as we all lived, He hasn't slow down .. He still longs for us to call Him and to meet Him. I think making me older is His way of helping me dwell in Him a little bit easier. Rich Mullins say that God is a wild man and I have to agree that He is ...like a mad man who would do crazy things just to get our attention.

His love is sometimes resting at his bosom but sometimes it is with a whole lot of fire. He may not love the way we sentimentalise it to be, but nevertheless it is still love. Some call it tough love... some call it perfect love. I don't know if I can describe it but to me it is a mad and crazy love that is undying and passionate, a love that nothing can fully describe and even if can be closely, it has to be tasted to be complete. I hope as we grow old, we can taste more and more of it so that the older we get (rather than being finished) we can be more complete.

me' floe kwin

2005-11-29T08:38:00.000+08:00

Drug Information: Mefloquine
Taken from http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/medmaster/a603030.html
pronounced as me' floe kwin

Why is this medication prescribed?
Mefloquine is used to treat malaria (a serious infection that is spread by mosquitoes in certain parts of the world and can cause death) and to prevent malaria in travelers who visit areas where malaria is common. Mefloquine is in a class of medications called antimalarials. It works by killing the organisms that cause malaria.

How should this medicine be used?
Mefloquine comes as a tablet to take by mouth. If you are taking mefloquine to prevent malaria, you will probably take it once a week (on the same day each week). You will begin treatment 1-3 weeks before you travel to an area where malaria is common and should continue treatment for 4 weeks after you return from the area. If you are taking mefloquine to treat malaria, your doctor will tell you exactly how often you should take it. Always take mefloquine with food (preferably your main meal) and at least 8 ounces of water. Children may take smaller but more frequent doses of mefloquine. Follow the directions on your prescription label carefully, and ask your doctor or pharmacist to explain any part you do not understand. Take mefloquine exactly as directed. Do not take more or less of it or take it more often than prescribed by your doctor.

The tablets may be swallowed whole or crushed and mixed with a liquid such as water, milk, or sugar water.

If you are taking mefloquine to treat malaria, you may vomit soon after you take the medication. If you vomit less than 30 minutes after you take mefloquine, you should take another full dose of mefloquine. If you vomit 30-60 minutes after you take mefloquine, you should take another half dose of mefloquine. If you vomit again after taking the extra dose, call your doctor.

Other uses for this medicine
This medication may be prescribed for other uses; ask your doctor or pharmacist for more information.

What special precautions should I follow?
Before taking mefloquine,

1. tell your doctor and pharmacist if you are allergic to mefloquine, chloroquine (Aralen), hydroxychloroquine (Plaquenil), quinidine (Quinadex), quinine or any other medications.
2. tell your doctor and pharmacist what prescription and nonprescription medications, vitamins, nutritional supplements, and herbal products you are taking. Be sure to mention any of the following: anticoagulants ('blood thinners'); antidepressants such as amitriptyline (Elavil), amoxapine (Asendin), clomipramine (Anafranil), desipramine (Norpramin), doxepin (Adapin, Sinequan), imipramine (Tofranil), nortriptyline (Aventyl, Pamelor), protriptyline (Vivactil), and trimipramine (Surmontil); antihistamines; calcium channel blockers such as amlodipine (Norvasc), diltiazem (Cardizem, Dilacor, Tiazac, others), felodipine (Plendil), isradipine (DynaCirc), nicardipine (Cardene), nifedipine (Adalat, Procardia), nimodipine (Nimotop), nisoldipine (Sular), and verapamil (Calan, Isoptin, Verelan); beta blockers such as atenolol (Tenormin), labetalol (Normodyne), metoprolol (Lopressor, Toprol XL), nadolol (Corgard), and propranolol (Inderal); chloroquine (Aralen); halofantrine (Halfan); hydroxychloroquine (Plaquenil); medication for diabetes, mental illness, seizures and upset stomach; medications for irregular heartbeat such as quinidine (Quinaglute, Quinidex); and quinine. Your doctor may need to change the doses of your medications or monitor you carefully for side effects.
3. tell your doctor if you have or have ever had a mental illness such as depression, generalized anxiety disorder, psychosis (losing touch with reality), or schizophrenia (abnormal thoughts or feelings); seizures; or eye, liver or heart disease.
4. tell your doctor if you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. You should use birth control while you are visiting an area where malaria is common and while you are taking mefloquine and for 3 months after you stop taking it. If you become pregnant while taking mefloquine, call your doctor. You should not breastfeed while taking mefloquine.
5. you should know that mefloquine may make you drowsy and dizzy. These symptoms may continue for a while after you stop taking mefloquine. Do not drive a car or operate machinery until you know how this medication affects you.
6. you should know that mefloquine decreases your risk of becoming infected with malaria but does not guarantee that you will not become infected. You still need to protect yourself from mosquito bites by wearing long sleeves and long pants and using mosquito repellant and a bednet while you are in an area where malaria is common.
7. you should know that the first symptoms of malaria are fever, chills, muscle pain, and headaches.
If you are taking mefloquine to prevent malaria, call your doctor immediately if you develop any of these symptoms. Be sure to tell your doctor that you may have been exposed to malaria.
8. you should plan what to do in case you experience serious side effects from mefloquine and have to stop taking the medication, especially if you are not near a doctor or pharmacy. You will have to get another medication to protect you from malaria. If no other medication is available, you will have to leave the area where malaria is common, and then get another medication to protect you from malaria.
9. if you are taking mefloquine to treat malaria, your symptoms should improve within 48-72 hours after you finish your treatment. Call your doctor if your symptoms do not improve after this time.
10. do not have any vaccinations (shots) without talking to your doctor. Your doctor may want you to finish all of your vaccinations 3 days before you start taking mefloquine.
11. you should know that mefloquine may damage your liver or eyes if you take it for a long time. Your doctor will tell you if you should have your eyes and liver checked while taking mefloquine.

What special dietary instructions should I follow?
Unless your doctor tells you otherwise, continue your normal diet.

What should I do if I forget a dose?
Take the missed dose as soon as you remember it. However, if it is almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Do not take a double dose to make up for a missed one.

What side effects can this medication cause?
Mefloquine may cause side effects. Tell your doctor if any of these symptoms are severe or do not go away:

- upset stomach
- vomiting
- diarrhea
- stomach pain
- loss of appetite
- muscle pain
- dizziness
- loss of balance
- ringing in ears
- headache
- sleepiness
- difficulty falling or staying asleep
- unusual dreams

Some side effects can be serious. The following symptoms are uncommon, but if you experience any of them, call your doctor immediately:

- tingling in your fingers or toes
- difficulty walking
- seizures
- shaking of arms or legs that you cannot control
- nervousness or extreme worry
- depression
- changes in mood
- panic attack
- forgetfulness
- confusion
- hallucinations (seeing things or hearing voices that do not exist)
- violent behavior
- losing touch with reality
- feeling that others want to harm you
- thoughts of hurting or killing yourself
- rash

Mefloquine may cause other side effects. You may continue to experience side effects for some time after you take your last dose. Call your doctor if you have any unusual problems while taking this medication.

What storage conditions are needed for this medicine?
Keep this medication in the container it came in, tightly closed, and out of reach of children. Store it at room temperature and away from excess heat and moisture (not in the bathroom). Throw away any medication that is outdated or no longer needed. Talk to your pharmacist about the proper disposal of your medication.

In case of emergency/overdose
In case of overdose, call your local poison control center at 1-800-222-1222. If the victim has collapsed or is not breathing, call local emergency services at 911.

Symptoms of overdose may include:

- upset stomach
- vomiting
- diarrhea
- stomach pain
- dizziness
- loss of balance
- headache
- sleepiness
- difficulty falling or staying asleep
- unusual dreams
- tingling in your fingers or toes
- difficulty walking
- seizures
- changes in mental health

What other information should I know?
Keep all appointments with your doctor and the laboratory. Your doctor may order certain lab tests and periodic eye examinations to check your body's response to mefloquine.

Do not let anyone else take your medication. Ask your pharmacist any questions you have about refilling your prescription.

Brand name(s):
Lariam®

Last Revised - 01/01/2004

Very interesting ...

TTSH prescribed me this medication to protect myself against malaria, but the side effects may just kill me before I coud finish the required dosages. Sounds very contradicting. Hahahaha. Anyway, it's not my first time taking this medication ... but still, I'll never know .... Haizzzzzz.

Dosage 1 of 8 starts today. Here goes nothing .......

quit!

2005-11-28T22:41:00.000+08:00

I gave up!
I surrendered!
Really, no hope at all.
I tried and there's no way to salvage it.
This is it. I am calling it quits...
.
.
.
I'm going to replace the stupid faulty hard disk on my PC.

... hmm, and what are you actually thinking of ?

It's been eon since I last wrote. Kind of busy lately ... handing over of duties, farewell lunches and dinners, tackling all those Fever 05's last-minute bombshells and admin matters, frisbee training for the trip, equipping my medical pouch for the trip, backing up the youth baptism class which half of my cell are attending the course, attending soulish living seminar conducted by Ps Benny Ho, preparing cell group sharing, fiddling with my stupid PC's hard disk which suddenly failed on me ... all these rolled into one, like a california maki. And every night when I hit home, I was already half dead.

But really, there's nothing interesting to write about. Boring man like me has a boring life. But through these two weeks, spiritual warfare had also been quite intense. Been feeling it everyday actually. It's like clinging on to Pa's hands while the devil is trying to suck me dry with his vacuum cleaner. Making me feel like a stupid yo-yo but Pa has its way of reminding me to pray like mad and trust in Him like mad. The war is not over yet ... and I know that as long as I'm on God's quests, it will always be there.

Now, I got three boys who will be under my charge - Nic, Arie and Benjamin (from Ezra's cell). For those 8 days, I need strength! I need mercy! I need patience! I need miracles! No, no, no ... I need to seek political asylum as well ! Hahahaha ... but somehow, I still love them all.

Whoa! News travels fast indeed. Uncle Vincent knew about it (I'm not surprised if he did :) ). But Ps John also knew about it too? Ah.... many thanks to Mattathias.

[buttprints in the sand ...]

Funny but quite true...

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some strange prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
Those prints are large and round and neat,
"But Lord, they are too big for feet."

"My child," He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you along.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."

"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."

"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

-- author unknown

Time to go home and hit the sack. I still got a long way back home.

brave

2005-11-15T11:21:00.000+08:00

Written and performed by Nicole Nordeman

[1st STANZA]
The gate is wide
The road is paved to moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
It's safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been

Cuz it's been fear
That ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love
That cuts the strings

[CHORUS]
So long, status quo
I think I've just let go
You make me wanna be brave
The way it always was
It's no longer good enough
You make me wanna be brave
Brave, brave

[2nd STANZA]
I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
To say Your name
Just Your name, and I'm ready to go
Even ready to fall

Wided-eyed
Take this foul compromise
Why did I
Try to keep it all inside

[BRIDGE]
I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
And every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if You believe in me
That changes everything

I have been hearing this song being spun every other hour ever day over the Spirit1053 (Seattle's Christian Radio Station) via Internet streaming while working in office. The tune was catchy and before long, it will just be humming it away whenever they play it. But as I hum, I was inspired. I was encouraged.

"So long, status quo
I think I've just let go
You make me wanna be brave"

Nicole Nordeman wrote this song for her 2-year old son, Charlie. But it has become a universal declaration which we sing this to our Creator. As Nicole puts it, "He is the ultimate source of our courage and willingness to step out on the shakiest of branches".

It need not be some big things or events. It can just be those small little tasks we encounter in our life. For me, one such example is the courage to leave my current job and pursue my psycho course, but also to see where the Lord leads. Another incident was armed with few basic conversational words, I had to communicate Tamil with our indian friends in Little India for an hour on a Saturday afternoon, as part of missions training. Simple task but requires the boldness in us to step out of our comfort zone, courage to communicate, not letting our fear grip us and not afraid of being ashamed or embarrassed. Seriously, it was quite nerve wrecking and quite a challange. See? I was so chicken-hearted and fearful... and still am.

It's ultimately our choice. Boldness and courage follows if we choose to do it and when we place our trust, our faith and our hope on the ultimate Giver of Life.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - Phil 4 : 13

If I choose, I can ....

Still learning.... still learning.

interview

2005-11-11T10:39:00.000+08:00

Went back to DTTA this morning. Not sure if this would be my very last trip back there .. but sure brought back some good old memories when I was stationed in DTT from 1995 to 2001.

Had won-ton mee breakfast in Tower A canteen. Had that almost everyday when I was in DTTA. Maybe that's how I'd become fat over a period of time. The lady-boss could still recognise me. She thought I've long gone from the company .. but she didn't know I'm really going to be long gone this time round. The noodles had always been very nice to chew and so were the wontons. I am going to miss her food, man.

Met up with DD Leonard at 9am. Probably I was one of the very few who is allowed to comment on his obesity in the past, nick-name him "lard-man" (derived from his name and his size in 1999) and argue with him if I were to disagree any points he surfaced. One thing for sure, he's a very techie guy and you can never smoke him out on that. But somehow, after all these years, he has earned my respect as a boss who actually values staff's ideas, does whatever is within his means to help them, to think of ways to motivate them to improve their technical capabilities and marketability (such as certifications) which can be very useful if they were to leave. After knowing him for so long, without fail, he does what he preaches.

He fought for my promotion in 2000 to the graduate grade... even I was and still am a non-uni gradutate. He succeeded in that.

He tried to fight for my promo this year again during the ranking exercise, petitioning to DCE level.... obviously, it failed. He was very frustrated. Not the fault of my DD or DCE... it's the HR system thing.... hahahaha.. doesn't matter anyway, he has done what he could ... and what matters was that God got to be glorified and honoured.

When he said "you deserve better than what you are getting now", I think I have already done what I can to honour Pa in my work and giving Him all the glory He deserves. I think that itself is a consolation and a joy ... never mind the pay rise or promo.

DD wanted to hold me back, but he also knew me quite well, that stubborn streak in me ... and so, he didn't. He actually said it. Hahaha. But, interestingly, he also said this ... with all the changes happening inside the organisation, to stay put is a much greater risk than moving out to venture. Many people are still not aware and it's like a train waiting to come crashing in ... I think that's the affirmation from Pa for me to leave.

He volunteered to write me a testimonial ... whooooa! Normally, resigned staff will have to ask from their boss, but he volunteered to write one for me without me asking (in fact, I forgot all about the testimonial thing already) ... :) And he's willing to help me find another job out there to move on. WHOOOOA! :"). Seriously, I'm touched by his gestures. When I told him I'll be taking a complete switch into Psychology.. he got excited and told me his sister-in-law is currently doing it on part-time basis and he doesn't mind linking me to her. Told me this psychology thingy is a growing "industry"... many people would need it ... especially when IR comes alive and the victims would need credit counselling. Hmmm .... see how Pa leads ba.

I can only thank Pa for my DD. I only hope that he will come to know who Jesus is in due time.

I don't know how my future will evolve even with my initial plans, but I know He holds the future.

japan 2005

2005-11-10T17:02:00.000+08:00

(RE-EDITED ON 11 NOV 2005 MORNING)

For the past few nights, I was contemplating on how to journal the 8-day Japan trip while in the midst of uploading the photos. For the photos, you can find them under the Visuals section on the right column. Finally, rather than cracking further, I decided to journal whatever pops to my mind ... in no particular fashion ... and here it is ... my travelogue .... sounds more like a commercial psychoing you to visit Japan ...

PLACE TO PLACE

Just for the record, sinteck and I flew off on 29 Oct morning from Terminal 1 via JAL. The flight was 8am but I actually reached airport at 5.30am and the terminal was already like a fish market ... hahaha. Anyway, the flight lasted about 6.5 hours and in-flight movies were available. Caught the Herbie movie and Bewitched ... and this interesting jap sci-fi movie called "Sengoku Jieitai 1549" ... so interesting that I ended up dozing off. I thought I might be able to catch "Shining Boy & Little Randy" but they don't have it. Even on the return trip, the movies were still the same. Haizzz. We touched down at Narita Airport Terminal 2 about 3.40pm (tokyo time), cleared immigration and customs and we took a 90-minute train to Asakusa and rested for a night. On Day 2, we left for Hakone for a round-trip and one-night stay. On Day 3, we left for Kyoto where we stayed for two days, touring Arashiyama and parts of the city. Day 5 was spent in Hiroshima and Day 6 in Miyajima. Then we returned to Tokyo where we slept for a night, before our trip back home on Day 8.

HAKONE

Many people who travel to Japan frequently would normally suggest this Hakone itinearary where you could experience the stay in a Ryokan and enjoy the natural hot spring bath (you could soak as often as you like, but as long as your body could take it). Most of these Ryokans woulod come with dinner and breakfast package and their own hot spring bath. And talk about hot spring bath, no, you cannot wear swimming trunks or underwear. You have to get into the hot water butt-naked, with a modesty towel just to cover your little-precious when moving point to point (actually, it didn't make a difference). And prior to getting in, you need to bathe yourself thoroughly clean. Some of the hot spring claimed to have some medicinal value, such as, relief body aches or skin problems. One thing for sure, it helped to relieve the aches on my body. You may need to splurge a bit, but to spend a night there for the experience is worth it.

ACCOMMODATION

Other than Hakone and Miyajima (which are Ryokan style), we stayed in budget hostels or hotel. Khaosan Tokyo in Tokyo and and K's House in Kyoto. Both are hostels or backpackers' inn which cost around SGD 40 per head per night. If you were to ask me, I will rate K's House full marks as compared to Khaosan. After two years of operations, K's House is still as good as new ... super clean ... super cozy ... very well-maintained. Feel like somebody's home or a mini-cozy hotel with all the basic facilities in place. No wonder it's rated # 1 hostel in Asia by Hostelworld.Com. Khaosan Tokyo wasn't that bad, other than having rooms which were either facing the wall of next building just 30cm away or the another window of an office building a few meters across the road. In Khaosan, the toilet at our level is quite interesting ... the window of male WC faces the staircase, so whoever climbs the stairs will get to smell your all fart or hear all you grunt. :P

In Hiroshima, we stayed in a budget hotel called Flex. A bit costly ... about SGD100 per head per night ... but the room was very modern and spacious, has a view of the city, and a butt-washing WC in the toilet. Hahaha... imagine the nice warm water which shoots right at your butt-hole after you have purged from your body, you don't even need to use toilet paper again. If you dare to be a bit more imaginative, you can use it for drinking, like one of those water coolers. hahahahahaha... HAO ER XIN AH ... :P

TRANSPORTATION

It was a phobia for me initially .. staring at the multiple LED signboards in Tokyo Station, I was almost lost initially, but somehow managed to re-orientate myself to how the whole system worked. The train and subway transportation system is quite complex but also well-established. There's really no need to own a car to move from point A to point B. As long as you avoid morning / evening peak hours, and understanding the train networks and all its works will help one to manovere from one point to another very smoothly and fast. Unless it is really dead necessary, AVOID CABS AT ALL COST! You wouldn't want your heart beat to compete with the ticking of the fare meter.

MEALS

No comments, seriously. The prices are still the same as four years ago. Average cost PER meal is about 600 to 1000 YEN, using a bowl of ramen as reference point. To convert to SGD, that would be around SGD9 to SGD15 ... WAAAAAH! Hahahaha. You can get cheaper ones like 400 to 600 YEN range for a bowl of ramen, but will be a bit hard to find. But I still love this - 1800YEN for a sushi breakfast set in Tsukiji Fish Market, topped with lots of SALMON, MAGURO and FISH EGGS. And because the fish were fresh from the sea, the meat were nice to chew, not gooey or sticky, and there aren't any fishy odour.

If you want to pursue some of the dishes with a Makansutra rating of three chopsticks (die die must try), just aim for the sushi breakfast in Tokyo's Tsukiji Market, the Miyajima's big and succulent oysters which are cooked over the fire, Okonomi-yaki in Hiroshima, Cha-soba from some good noodle shops.

ARASHIYAMA AND MIYAJIMA

This Arashiyama trip left me a very deep impression. Located on the western sector of Kyoto, Arashiyama is a very popular place for visitors (both locals and foreigners alike) to savor the taste of Autumn season, The "romantic train - Hozu River boat ride" was a memorable one. The air was fresh and the scenery was really really beautiful ... beautiful beyond description ... majestic ... awesome. See? I was already out of words to describe what I saw.

Miyajima is an small island which is 30 minutes away from Hiroshima. Lots of wild deers running around. They will gobble whatever they see, from deer food to paper to clothings. Just don't let them bite a hole off from your jeans. But this island is a nice place to get away from the hustle and bustle of city life ... to rest and to relax. Lots of golden brown leaves in the mountain area to marvel at during Autumn.

Despite of being an expensive country to live in, one can find numerous, beautiful sceneries in this nihongo-land. God was already displaying His beauty, His awesome majesty and His love for the people on this land. But they are still so blinded from Him. The ground is hard... lots of shrines and temples ... very few churches around ... the harvest is here but workers are few.

TRAVELLING COMPANION

Sinteck and I are different in characters, views and perspectives are never on same frequency ... the only thing we have in common is the stubborn streaks in us - we can be very good logger-heads. He had been warned that the trip would be a walking trip and there would be a lot of walks.. and I really meant a lot. And he wasn't prepared for it. But I was learning to live with him, to compromise, to give and take, even though there were still times of frustrations ... but that was just a fore-taste on what I will be going to face when I go to ET with the team... similar to my previous two Fever trips. Not sure if I will really be prepared by then ... only Pa knows.

I believed there were quite a number of Singaporeans, leveraging on this deepa-raya holidays to visit Japan. Yet to see them bargain in front of the shops, but I would know one if I do. Hahaha.. On the last day before flying back, sinteck and I were in a subway at 6.30am heading to Tsukiji. About two stops after we boarded the train, a group of four guys hopped on. Could hear them muttering English and Chinese ... coupled with the lehs and the lahs.. It must be Singaporeans and they could be Poly students... They were heading for the market too, and they ended up eating the same shop where we did... and they took the same flight as us too ... wah! call this coincidence. There was another chinese guy who was staying in Khaosan ... we thought he's from Taiwan but he was also on the same flight flying back home. Small world, indeed.

There were these two taiwanese couples we met in K's House. Both were around 23. The guy had just finished his national service liabilities while the galfren was working in a english language software company in Taipei. Though they were only planning to visit Kyoto for a week, with 1 day / 1 night in Osaka, they are really "maximise" their tour as much as they can on a shoe-string budget. They divided the Kyoto tour into few differnt areas - one day for each area. If they have finished the area, they will either go back to hostel to rest or head towards supermarket to do some grocery shopping. For lunch and dinner, they will cook their meals in the hostel's kitchen. And the cost of cooking your own meals is actually much more cheaper than having to eat out everyday.

100 YEN SHOP

Talk about groceries and supermarket, we came across this 100 Yen Shop in Asakusa, nearby where we stayed. The range of the goods was quite wide ... from personal "stuff" to dried food stuff to stationeries to hardware tools to cooking utensils ... Though many goods were made in China, but the quality weren't that bad. Everything was selling at only 100 Yen (of SGD 1.50) excluding 5% VAT.

PAKISTAN

Seriously, if the Japan trip was not being planned for earlier, I would have gone to Pakistan for relief work. And sometimes, I wished I have gone to Pakistan rather than Japan... tend to feel it would be more fruitful and worthwhile ... oh well ...

Ok. That's all I can say about the trip. Will I be going back there next year? I don't know for now ... see how things go ba, though I would love to. :)

signed

2005-11-07T10:04:00.000+08:00

Yes, this is official! At 0945hrs, I have signed on the dotted line. 30-day countdown starts today. Leave are frozen too. After that, I'll be a jobless bloke .. hopefully, a happy jobless bloke.

[an hour later ...]

The letter reached my DD in DTTA within an hour of the submission .. and I got summoned by him. AIYAH !!! Haizzzz.... the usual outgoing interview, I guess... No choice, have to meet him on Friday morning.

Dang .. I hate going back to DTTA. Current security in this camp is darn tight as compared to the past and the morning crowd at the tower's lift lobby has always been a mental and physical challange.

back!

2005-11-07T02:01:00.000+08:00

I'm back! ... but I still miss the nihongo-land. :)

Still sorting out the photos now and trying to pen down what I wanted to write on the trip within the next two days. There were things which God revealed, not only on what I saw, but also about myself, areas which I need to work on in preparation for the December trip.

My December trip has been pushed back to Wave 2. Leaving on 13th and supposed to be back by 20th. But that's good for me, because in a few hours time, I can officially sign on the dotted line and activate my one-month notice.

Even though I can plan as much as I can, I really do not know what my future will be like, but one thing I do know, is that He holds my future ... and it's really a learning process to surrender my all to Him.

I remembered watching this doggy movie "All About My Dog" in KL with gez in Sep 2005. I remembered this particular segment which showed the strong and close bonding between a girl Mika and her dog Marimo, firstly from Mika's perspective, then from Marimo's. When Marimo's version was shown, from the time it was born till the day it died ... telling Mika how it viewed and actually felt, it was so beautiful that it wrenched my heart and my eyes were actually welled up ... at least, that was how I felt at that point of time.

And if I have to give a final closing at the end of my life here in this world ... the way Marimo did when it gave its last words to Mika ... besides declaring God being the ultimate best, you are the next best thing that has ever happened in my life. As long as "you" are the one whom I know or have acquainted ... you have qualified for it.

My friend, I thank God for you.

Thank you for being part of my life on Earth.

And I look forward to meeting you again up there.

Thank you. :")

quickie one from japan

2005-11-02T06:23:00.000+08:00

Konichi-wa!

I think that is how it is spelt... hahahaha. Typing this from K's House in Kyoto. It's a very very very nice and clean backpackers' inn, so nice that it does not even look like one. Very modern, very well equipped, and lots of interesting gadgets as compared to all other inns. No wonder it was named under HostelWorld as #1 in Asia. But it's cheap too.. about SGD40 per head per night. Got another 2 Singaporeans staying here but yet to see them. Internet ? not free, have to pay 100Y for 15 minutes - that's about S$1.50 for 15 minutes and $6.00 per hour... sounds like Singapore's charging rate.

Overall, it's been a wonderful trip... I could literally forget about what's happening around the world (like the New Dehli Bombimg). The time is one hour ahead of Singapore and because it's in the northern hemisphere, the sky is dark at 5.30pm, like 7pm in Singapore.

The scenary is beautiful, they just really reflect the beauty of the Lord, His love for all His people in this land, His delicate creations .. and yet, people are still so blinded by the buddhism. I was in this Kiyomizu two days ago (the day I reached Kyoto) just to stroll around and look, people would pay 200Y for a piece of paper, write their troubles on to it, place it into a pail of water and watch it dissolved. That means, your troubles are GONE... duh, GONE? if it can be so simple, there will be peace around the world... but in this world, we will have tribulations, how can a 200Y paper can wipe out the troubles when Jesus is the one has overcome them?

The weather is cold (around 15C but can go as low as 10C at night or morning). Got to wear at least two, if not three clothings, just to keep myself warm. Once again, I missed the sight of Mt Fuji .. Haizzzz..... see if I can catch the view again when I return to Tokyo from Hiroshima via Shinkansen. But I got to do skinny-dipping in the hot spring.. hahaha. It's the japanese culture, you go into the public bath or hot bath or any hot springs naked and a small modesty towel in your hand, so you can hide the most private parts when you dance around the bath area... hahaha, i mean walk. But the water is hot and shiok, ease all the aches away, especially when my back pack was heavy enough to shorten my height by don't-know-how-many centimetres.

Now is 7.45am (Singapore time 6.45am). In one hours' time, I am off to Hiroshima ... another 2 to 3 hours shinkansen ride from Kyoto. Hanging around that area for two days before heading back to Tokyo for a night and fly back home.

Sayonara for now...

the storm

2005-10-28T23:58:00.000+08:00

Last night (that's Thursday I'm referring to), I got caught in a sudden storm which came around 9-ish and it was quite hugh. The lightnings were frequent the thunders were unusually loud. I was just taking shelter at the Great World City bus stop and just looked towards the sky, it felt kind of scary. If that was frightening, then how much more would it be when it comes to the fury of God ? I really cannot fathom that.

Had to delay the signing of the dotted line till I return from the nihongo-land because, by policy, the leave will be frozen during the one-month notice. That means, my last day would be somewhere in the early December. And coincidentally, I heard from Nic that beeling told his dad that the team is going on Wave 2 from 13 - 20 Dec via chartered flight, instead of Wave 1.

Coming back on 20 Dec also means I cannot register for the Jap course on 18 Dec .... never mind, self study first ... and see how later...

In less than 8 hours, I'll be over the air to Nihongo-land. Got one long shopping list with me ... it's like bringing an empty luggage there and come back with the luggage full of stuff... Haizzz...

I may be able to use the Internet from the guesthouses I will be staying in ...

Sayonara.

when the cold wind blows

2005-10-26T23:36:00.000+08:00

performed by Waterdeep

When the cold wind blows all around
Will you still love me?
still love me
When the cold wind blows all around
Will you still love me?

When the lightning crashes
Hopes are dashed and I
Am asking how this comes to me
and why

When no home on Earth can be found
Will you still love me?
still love me
When no home on Earth can be found
Will you still love me?

When you left us last time
You said You’d return
And I’m sorry that it
takes so long to learn

That my hope is to walk forever
in the coolness of the day
Oh my hope is to walk forever
in the coolness of the day

When the cold wind blows all around
You will still love me
still love me
When the cold wind blows all around
You will still love me

In memory of the victims of the South Asia Earthquake (Oct 2005).

It was a short video clip produced by Steve from the CRS advanced party. When they reached Pakistan, they were led by the Lord to an area in Kashmir where there weren't any NGOs around to help. There are so much needs and yet, the challanges are time and resources. CRS is asking for volunteers to be a prayer warrior or a "supplier" of needs or a "goer" in the area of relief supplies distribution or mobile clinic work. But the window is opened up to end November before the harsh winter sets in. And because the roads to the mountains are still quite inaccessible both ways, UN has anticipated this winter is going to be the next big disaster and the death toll could reach half to a million people.

I would very much want to be a goer, to be out there, to be the hands and legs. But I also want to do it His way, not mine. If He wants me to be out there, I will go. If He does not want me to, I will not. If He wants me to support from backend, I will do just that. If He wants me to do nothing but pray for them and focus on my ET trip, I will gladly do that. I don't want to let my plans / heart desires to hinder what He has for me.

I can plan for all the things I want to do and study in my life ... but I'm learning to place His agenda to be my agenda, make His plans to be mines ... and not the vice versa. I'm still learning to discern His call and move in this aspect but I know this is not going to be easy because there's a tendency for me to fit my little comforts and preferences into His plan which probably will have no room for them at all.

His ways are better than mines.

Whatever screw-ups I've committed in the past, I'm still learning to let them go and not even think of them ... because, now and then, they would just return and haunt me.

deeper than the deep blue sea

2005-10-25T11:38:00.000+08:00

From Our Daily Bread, 25 OCT 2005

Several hundred miles off the coast of Guam is the Mariana Trench, the deepest place in the ocean. On January 23, 1960, Jacques Piccard and Donald Walsh climbed into a submersible vessel and were lowered into the cold, lonely darkness. Their descent into the deep, which set the world record, has never been repeated.

The depth of the ocean is mind-boggling. The Mariana Trench is nearly 7 miles down. The water pressure at the bottom of the trench is 15,931 pounds per square inch. Yet there is life. Walsh saw flat fish on the ocean floor, surviving despite the pressure and the darkness.

For most of us, it's hard to fathom just how deep the Mariana Trench is. But much more difficult to comprehend is the love of God. Paul was hard-pressed to describe it, but he prayed that his readers would be able somehow to grasp "the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge" (Ephesians 3:18).

The reason we can never reach the depths of God's love is that it is infinite—beyond measure. If you ever feel alone and unloved, that you've sunk to the depths of dark despair, think about Ephesians 3:18. God's love for you is deeper than the Mariana Trench! —Dennis Fisher

I have a Friend whose faithful love
Is more than all the world to me;
It's higher than the heights above,
And deeper than the boundless sea. —Anon.

You're never beyond the reach of God's love.

I was just reading this devotion which was sent through the office email by one of the bro from the Air Force. It's a simple message on the depth of God's love for us which is completely unfathomable but a few "pointers" just zapped across my mind -

I love you deeper than you can ever imagine.

I love the East Timorese deeper than they and you can ever imagine.

Are you willing to go and really love them, the same way I love you, so that they will see My love I have for them?

You can love because I have first loved you.

Remember the Abrahamic Covenenat ? ... "I will bless you ... and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you"

I still love you very much, kid ... so much that you can never understand, even when you don't see or feel it that way ...

I don't deserve it at all, but You still give it freely... :")

[diploma]

Last night, I have signed up with PATH on the diploma course in Applied Psychology so as to get an appreciation of what I'm going to experience if I apply for UniSIM's course. It was something which I've planned for and eyeing on since last month. Intending to do this intensively (7 months duration) since I will be jobless by then. If 7 months is too intensive, I'll spread it out to 10 months. By the time I complete this, I would probably have started that UniSIM course.

love letter

2005-10-24T10:54:00.000+08:00

I've done it finally. After four months later since the last Go4th Conference, at 1042hrs, my love letter was on my big boss' hands. He spent 30 minutes talking to me ... sharing his thoughts ... blah blah blah... but they are good pointers to take home and consider... I will still have to do some more detailed planning in financial and roadmap aspect, but I shall consult Pa and ask Him for directions and blessings.

Ok, so ... one month from today, I will be free from my current company. No complaints actually, I am dying for a break. But after that, it is taking the next step of faith and see where He's leading me to, that is kind of scary, thrilling and exciting ... I am working on some things to keep myself "occupied" for first 6 months next year.

And I'm hoping to get into the Psychology degree course with UniSIM next June. Pray for me, will ya ?

powerbook!

2005-10-19T00:33:00.000+08:00

It's quite true. When a person started to use Apple iBook or PowerBook, they would want to give up the laptops running on Windows. I think I fell in love with my PowerBook .. :) Got it during the last Comex but did not open the box up until last Friday night. But there's a little problem - I cannot use this gadget in McD, seems like there's problem connecting to their Access Points. Dang... :(

I'm almost a free man. Well, almost ... all I need to do is sign on the dotted line and give it to my big boss. Then in one month's time, I can start resting ... at least for a period. Already start toying with ideas of accomplishing some tasks after I say "sayonara", such as my driving license, picking up Jap language, probably go for another crisis relief trip, probably make another trip to Japan in Spring next year, probably going for a cruise with my mom (she's been breathing down my throat on this for past two years), probably pick up a part-time diploma course which may help me to kickstart the course which I hope to apply from the fourth university. Hmmm, "Probably" sounds so much like a dirty word; it's equivalent to "maybe" and it leaves us hanging on a threat and does not push for a decision whether or not to carry out the actions. Sounds so much like lukewarmness .. neither hot nor cold ...

There are quite a number of things I wanted to journal it, but they just kept slipping out of my mind and I will no longer be able to remember them. Moreover, I'm also getting tired very easily nowadays. Brain gets tired, body aches and sores. When brain gets tired, I will tend to blog lots of rubbish. It must be the aging process that's killing me sooner than I thought. Maybe I should really sign on the dotted line now ... and embark on a fresh journey with God. But, what's holding me back?

all love can be

2005-10-18T16:23:00.000+08:00

Sung by Charlotte Church
(from motion picture soundtrack "A Beautiful Mind")

I will watch you in the darkness
Show you love will see you through
When the bad dreams wake you crying
I'll show you all love can do
All love can do

I will watch by the night
Hold you in my arms
Give you dreams where no one will be
I will watch through the dark
Till the morning comes

For the lights will take you
Through the night to see
All love, showing us all love can be

I will guard you with my bright wings
Stay till your heart learns to see
All love can be

retro + music

2005-10-16T00:44:00.000+08:00

I'm quite a retro person actually. I love music from the 70s, 80s and probably the early 90s or so.. just give me Bread, Kenny Loggins, Cindy Lauper, Daryl Hall and John Oates, John Denver, .. blah blah blah ... and I will sit there quietly and nuah with a book and a cup of coffee in my hand. What about chinese songs? Yah, I loved them too.. those heartbreaking songs from Chen Sheng, Zhang Hongliang, Zhao Chuan, Xiong Tianping, Winnie Tsin, Wan Fang .. or xinyao ... or Emil Chau or Jeff Chang ...

Jap songs? I started to love some of it after I heard Dragon Ash's song while watching this ultra-violent cult movie "Batoru Rowaiaru"(Battle Royale) at Prince 1 few years ago. What's the title ? Shizuka na Hibi no Kaidan wo ... literally translated as "Staircase of Quiet Days", I guess.

Some music we heard won't leave us. They stay with us, remained in our hearts and minds. They remind us of those days when we lived and the events which took place. The shizuka song somehow reminded me of my last trip to Nippon. Bread's songs reminded me of my "puppy love" days ... bow wow. Phil Collins' songs reminded me of my first love. Xinyao somehow reminded me of my primary and secondary school days. Chen Sheng reminded me of those bittersweet seperation days ...

Funny how these songs can leave such an impact in me. Hmmm...

I'm thankful for these music which God placed in my life.

[trip udpate]

The team will depart on 4 Dec, instead of 5. Why? the airline which was suppsoed to provide chartered flight for us, got technical constraints (seats have to be reduced due to loading issue ... etc etc etc ... haizzz)and coos, being the anchor church for the project, doesn't want to hog up all the seats ... so beeling decided, on behalf for the team, to go on commercial flight. That translates to me having to fork out another three to four hundred bucks more than the original cost. I'm ok with it. As long as the Snr Ps Derek is all out and willing to subsidise for all the members who are genuinely unable to fork out that delta, I'm fine with it. But we will have to stop over for a night at a toruist town which got blasted recently. Wooooo ! :O ... pray we won't get blasted when we are there.

[failure!]

Just stumbled across this from another blogger.

1) go to http://www.google.com/
2) type “failure” into the search box
3) press the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button (instead of the Google search)
4) see what happens...

Seriously, no comments.... :P

shi jie nos 1

2005-10-14T22:34:00.000+08:00

Hybernating at McD @ HFC at this moment ... supposed to prepare for tomorrow's CG sharing. Most of the kids should be back in action, since they have finished their PSLE.

Just went to the new NLB building at Victoria Street to pay my two shi-jies, laimeng and gimeng a visit. Didn't go up to LKC Reference Library because gimeng wasn't around (she's having her acupuncture class in the evening). So, I went straight down to CLL @ Basement 1 to look for laimeng. She showed me around the area ... shelves are taller, larger and longer, walk space between shelves have increased, ceiling wasn't as high as the then-CLL, chinese, malay and tamil collections seems to have shrunk in numbers. Quite different than before. She wanted to bring me into the staff workarea including B2 but I didn't feel like going there. All the peopke I knew were either transferred, retired or resigned ... and I would have felt kind of odd walking in that restricted area with all the strange faces around me.

Had dinner at Hans within the same building. Chatted the old days, updating each one what has happened with our own life and sharing the "heartaches". Laimeng just came back from 2 months MC (1 month in hospital and 1 month at home) because of an injury she incurred during the shift from JRL to CLL back then. Gim eng didn't know about this until almost the end of the MC. On the whole, the workload for the LOs has increased ever since the formation of Stat Board. Librarian's role has changed its focus to marketing and publicity while the LOs are left to handle the daily operations and people management. Laimeng is SLO in appointment, has to supervise 6 other LOs and 3 LAs. In a sense, she's overworked but underpaid. Unlike those glorious days when everyone would leave the office on the dot, she would have to work from 8.30am to 9pm almost everyday. Guess what? some people up there are talking about opening the library 365 days a year ... some are even thinking of 24 hours operations. Wah! siao ah!

One more round of visit next week with Gim eng. Lai meng may be free to join in again. Will have to ask foong yin if she's free to join us, provided she's not on shift duty in TTSH.

[how are you?}
hey kiddo, how are you doing? no see you blog for past days ... don't know how u have been coping even you said u r fine... pardon this faithless heart and the lousy gpp hor :P

ethan

2005-10-14T00:49:00.000+08:00

This is really interesting!

On Tuesday evening, Karol, shirley and I were the last batch of friends to meet kimhong and cindy.

That same night, it began. Within the next 24 hours, ethan was born in Mt Alvernia Hospital.

Today (Thursday), we were the first batch of friends to visit and share that joy with them.

Hmmm, ethan must be a cod fish lover and he decided to show up two weeks earlier than scheduled just to savor more after the tuesday night's dinner ... :P

And ethan was the second baby whom I've carried within 24 hours after birth... and trust me, I have actually forgotten how to.. malu, man ! hahaha ... :P

gong xi ni lah, kimhong and cindy :) ... jiayou for your second kid, otherwise, ethan will be a very lonely child.

cod fish village

2005-10-12T00:05:00.000+08:00

Had this mini CD2 reunion dinner gathering with kimhong, cindy(kimhong's other half), auntie karol and shirley at this cod-fish village. Not really a village but a small eatery located at Blk 83 Toa Payoh Lorong 2, selling mainly cod fish items. You can order curry cod-fish head, salted fried cod-fish, steamed lah, etc and etc. Overall, food is good. The only thing you need to bear is the long waiting time which can be 45 minutes to an hour, depending on the crowd. Fortunately, ours were only 30 minutes. And another thing to take note, the tables are arranged randomly and in no particular fashion or order. This is how to ensure your food reaches your table - the servers, who are normally the aunties and uncles, will be screaming their lungs out for your table number .. and you will have to response quickly if yours is being called out. How do you response ? just shout aloud "HERE" or "ZHE LI"! Interesting experince indeed. Have to thank kimhong for introducing this eatery, even though it appeared in some TV programmes over Channel 8 or Channel U.

Under the request of karol, I brought my cam along to take a photo of cindy's cannon-ball sized tummy before the kid pops into this world later this month ... but ended up snapping away everybody's faces except myself. It was a nice time catching up again, especially when most of us have been decentralised to three different locations - HFC, DTTA, and SP. After dinner, we met up with henry and charlene (ex-colleagues) at McD @ HDBHub. They brought their 14-month old son along and his name is winston. My! winston was so hyperactive that for the rest of the session, my camera was basically aiming at winston ... and he nearly fell in love with my cam. I noticed shirley was able to click with winston pretty well; in less than 5 minutes of interaction, both of them were having so much fun. I told karol that since shirley has this flair with kids, she could either become a child-care teacher or a babysitter if she's considering a second career. Me ? I would probably make them pee in their pants within ten seconds.

It's Tuesday and it looked as if two years have passed. How to survive the rest of the week ? Incidentally, I was reading this writeup from Channel NewsAsia's website, and I had somehow "fulfilled" two-thirds of the physical and psychological symptoms listed in it. Die lah... Cham lah...

2005-10-09T00:27:00.000+08:00

Weekend is here = Monday is coming. Now you see how pessimistic I can get?

Kind of tired this whole week... physically... mentally. Got myself to start consuming Gingko Biloba and Omega 3 supplements. Kind of effective for me, at least, it helps me to stay awake and I don't feel so tired or breathless.

Today, I was drained out. I've decided to do worship for the cell session and I've only managed to prepare the songs in the wee hours of Saturday morning. After that, I could not get myself out of my bed for next 7 hours till 11am.. literally totally knocked out. Then, run through the songs with my git twice, print out song sheets, rush down to Takashimaya to settle my plane tickets and rail pass exchange order, rush back to church area to photostat the song sheets, had a quick lunch, had a quick practice of the songs, started cell group with worship, took 45 minutes in total, sort out some admin details on the kids' baptism class, rush down to get updates from beeling on the trip, rush to get birthday card for the kids to sign and give it to beeling .. by the time I began the pre-service prayer, I was completely worn out... so tired. And the worship and sermon somehow reminded me again of my wretchedness, my unworthiness, the need to increase my faithfulness in God despite of circumstances in my life.

Being in the centre of God's will is not necessarily safe. It's the best thing to be there, but it's not always safe - Paul did not have a safe life after God has zapped him while on the road to Damascus - he was flogged, shipwrecked, jailed, rediculed, etc etc - but he pressed on in proclaiming the good news and remained faithful till his last breath.

Life is never easy or safe. Circumstances may just blind us from focusing on to Him and His promises. Abraham, despite of the covenant God has made with him initially (Gen 12:2-3), circumstances around his life swallowed him - he compromised in his spirit, had a conflict in his emotion, had a confrontation with the physical ... until God had to intervene and paint a fresh picture of His promise for him. But God's promise cannot be short-changed (Gen 15:1-5).

Many people want to have His will, but finds it hard and draining to go through the thrashings and beatings .. and wandered away from the path or remain in their comfort zone, not willing to step out.

Would I be able to learn to remain faithful to Him, trust Him, not to short-change His promises but believe that they will be fulfilled in His time, willing to risk my life and my all for Him ?

If I'm outside God's will, I will be in spiritual danger. If I remain at the centre of it, I will be spiritually dangerous to the power of darkness.

Should have gone out for altar call, but I didn't. Too late and I regretted it.

I was looking at a course .. very interesting, can be very useful, but heard that it's not easy. At least for sure, it's non-IT. Brian is taking it, but he is doing it part-time. I was toying with the idea of doing it "full-time" even though it's available in part-time ... and that allows me to have more free time to do other stuff. But the next intake may be June next year. Keeping my options open for now...

At last, I managed to msn with BenG for the first time. Found out that he's living Michigan and moving to Arizona where his gf found a job there. At least, I know he will be working there for a few years before deciding to return to Singapore.

Beeling's team is finally formed up - 12 people in total, 9 ladies and 3 men. Guess who are the three men? Me, Nicholas and Arie. That's not 3 men, that's 1 man and 2 boys ! Hmmm, talk about the thorns amongst the roses. Next Sunday will be our first gathering, and they are going to ransack my house. I'm not going to cook or walk to hawker centre to buy, I'm going to pick up my HP and dial 62353535 to solve all the hassle and agony. Enjoy the meal first for ye shalt be on diet during the trip.

ulcer

2005-10-06T00:55:00.000+08:00

Ouch! it hurts. Accidentally bit the meaty part under my lips with my teeth while chewing food last week and just when the wound was about to heal, the stupid ulcer showed up out of nowhere and planted itself right on that scar. Applied bonjela and the pain is killing me, man!... grrrrr.....

Work is still as per normal.. tried to get things moving but ended up getting stalled by other parties. What the #*$&%*#@... (oops). And when they decided to get moving, I'll be rushing to complete the job, as if I was running a 42-km marathon under 2 hours, with the help of a bunch of mad dogs with rabis chasing behind me!

Went for a late-night "retail therapy" after work to de-stress, but bought only a book entitled "God.Net" from ACTS bookstore in Raffles City. Funny thing about this therapy thing is that you literally shop your heart out, buy all the stuff which catches your eyes. You felt happy after making all that massive payment. And upon reaching home, you started to sort out all those items and began to wonder if they were really of any practical use. Then, you began to feel depress and start frowning on how to get rid of them... hahaha, so much for the therapy.

Gez's mom is getting more responsive. She was trying to remove my watch when I was visiting her last Sunday evening. And she can use the straw fan to fan herself.. :). Gez is beginning to open up and smile. Yah, somehow, I missed that smile on the face.

Gena one big fat arrow from beeling. I have to organise a first gathering / meeting for all the team members next Sunday morning at my house. Don't know what makan lah ... ice-breaker games lah ... Time to crack my head, man. Hang on, before I start to think, I better swap my PA duty in CCW from next Sunday to this Sunday ...

Wanna watch Chicken Little dancing to the numa-numa song? Click HERE and enjoy.

blocked

2005-10-04T00:45:00.000+08:00

I came to realise lately that I cannot access the blogger.com from my office network. Not sure why, but I suspect the people up there do not want anyone of us to leak out any secrets through this channel. On the other hands, I think there are many other bloggers in my company who have been frequently blogging away happily when they are supposed to be working... hey, I don't blog in office frequently unless I felt the need to, ok? But I know that during the course of my work, or somewhere in the middle of the day, there are stuff which will just pop into my mind and cause me to ponder ... stuff which I would really want to journal them down, but by the time evening comes, it just dissipated into thin air. Don't have good memories nowadays... gingko nuts also may not help much but it may make me go more nutty.

Today's productivity level was completely zero. Not because I had nothing to do, but I just could not proceed with my work as I was stalled by external factors - people who are supposed to give an official feedback has yet to do so, people who are supposed to review their data have yet to do so and revert to me... and I just slacked at my desk for three-quarters of the day. And by the time they start to get their butt moving, I will have to start a work marathon to beat the dateline.

Welcome to the working world.

If this were to go on, I think I would rather throw in my towel, take a short break and have a career switch. I am still seriously considering this aspect... really seriously doing something meaningful for God until I give my last breath. Whenever I thought of leaving, I could just sense this mysterious euphoria fluttering in my heart. I was dying to leave ! ... but not out of impulse.

Trip itinerary for the autumn in Japan has been completed. Total budget is about $2000, which includes return trip economy, 7-day rail pass (including shinkansen), all accommodations and meals, plus some extra pocket money to splurge on.. :P. Not sure if I can go back in Spring next year ... that will depend on someone lor :). But all I know is that planning and bookings have to be done very early in view of the cherry blossom period, so you will have to let me know if you are still on or not lor.

The first wave of Fever 05 trip is from 5 to 12 Dec .. fortunately, I took leave on 12 Dec but that was supposed to be my rest day leh. Unfortunately, some people may be hunting me down to support the 4 Dec running event - wah! got to take cover, man.

thoughts ...

2005-10-03T00:54:00.000+08:00

Ok, ok... so I'm wrong.. hahaha. No, I'm not "looking down" on the people who need to make a quick switch from youth service to the prayer concert at the dot of 7.30pm and may just fail. I'm just very curious at how this challange could be overcome. Well, they did it, and the youth service managed to cramp the praise and worship, offering, sermon and communion - all into 90 minutes. Kudos to Beeling and her team, man ! :)

Been a bit overwhelmed with some of the stuff happening concurrently this week and weekend. Hard to journal everything down but I shall try to jot down the key ones.

RICH

Listening to the 90-minute Rich Mullins tribute was like rekindling the fire in my heart. I had been listening to this guy's song since late 80s when I first heard his song called "Home". And later, I discovered that he was the one who wrote Awesome God which was widely used as one of the praise songs in many churches. And as I listened to this tribute programme, I realised that when I actually backslided three times in my 21 years of being a Christian, it was his songs that somehow caused me to turn my heart back to God. And in many of the low periods of my life, it was his songs that comforted me and motivated me. Not Amy Grant, or Michael W Smith or Hillsongs (haha, sorry to say that) or any other artists I heard of ... it was Rich himself. And I sensed that God was using Rich's songs - completely God-inspired - to stir my heart again, pointing me back to Himself.

Extract from "Hold Me Jesus"
Well, sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Extracts from "Elijah" (I would like have this song played at my funeral)
But when I leave I want to go out like Elijah
With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire
And when I look back on the stars
It'll be like a candlelight in Central Park
And it won't break my heart to say goodbye

Extracts from "Growing Young"

And when I thought that I was all alone
It was your voice I heard calling me back home
And I wonder now Lord
What it was that made me wait so long
And what kept You waiting for me all that time
Was Your love stronger than my foolish pride
Will You take me back now, take me back and let me be Your child

'Cause I've been broken now, I've been saved
I've learned to cry, and I've learned how to pray
And I'm learning, I'm learning even I can be changed
And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry
Well I've been around enough to know that that was the lie
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons
Well we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old
And our Father still waits and He watches down the road
To see the crying boys come running back to His arms
And be growing young
Growing young
Growing young

BREAKFAST

Had breakfast fellowship with my pastor boss, Ps John at McD @ King Albert Park on Saturday morning. We chatted for quite a while - he shared his heart out, his dreams for CCW, his life working as engineer in Union Carbide before serving full-time in COOS, setting up UrbanRace and UrbanKidz, and serving as a Chaplain in CCSS and pastoring CCW. And as we talked, I knew his big arrow was waiting to fly towards my direction. I anticipated it to happen. It happened before, so I wasn't a bit surprised. But he doesn't force or require a commitment out of me. He just wants someone who has a heart for the school students and willingly to mentor them, to groom them. The youth ministry in CCW is growing pretty fast, but not enough men to lead and mentor (hmmm, same old problem in UrbanRace too). Wesley is holding the fort but he may just break down one of these days...

I don't know. I have yet to decide... I don't want to seeing the ministries I'm serving in come into conflicts.

KIDS

The kids in my CG are growing. Grace has been very instrumental in creating new ideas to spur them during cell session while I would use a "whip" to "wake up their ideas". Sometimes, I'm afraid of their growth - they are simply growing too fast - not in the physical sense, but their maturity and their exposure to the world which is slowly enveloping them. And I know there aren't much time left but to help build up their foundation in their walk with God and not be swayed away by the world.

And I know I'm not a good leader. Not sure if it's the age-gap thing ... but after months had passed, seeing some of them still not responding positively could just make my heart grow cold and weary. Perhaps, I need to be more patient with them ... perhaps, I need to spend more time with them .... Sometimes, I just run out of ideas and my brain juices are dried up.

Yes, I am sucky leader. But maybe that's how I remember that there's always a limit to what I can do, and the Heavenly Father is the one who has all the tricks up in His sleeves ... and all I need to be is to be an instrument willing to be used by Him, keep pointing them towards God, keep praying for them, keep on believing in them and that in His time, every one of these hearts will be touched by God and fired up for Him.

It may wrench my heart ... but I have to continue to persist in prayers, committing them to Him, just simply hoping and believing ...

And sometimes, I do worry and concern for this "someone". But when I pray, I could just sense Him saying, "no fear, I'm still watching over him". And all I could do is to response with just these words - Thank You. Keep praying, keep on hoping and believing. One day .... I know .... He will. :)

SERMON POINTERS

Another good reminder ...

God doesn't need us to serve Him as if He needs our help. He doesn't need us at all simply because He can do everything all by Himself. We serve Him because we love Him and we want to obey Him, and it should not be out of our pity for Him. Period.

fever 05 prayer concert 2

2005-09-30T00:53:00.000+08:00

I don't know how they are going to do that this saturday evening ... 6pm is youth service, 7.30pm is the prayer concert....

So, cramp the youth service to 1 hour, including praise and worship plus sermon ?

growing young

2005-09-29T22:54:00.000+08:00

I've gone so far from my home
I've seen the world and I have known
So many secrets
I wish now I did not know
'Cause they have crept into my heart
They have left it cold and dark
And bleeding,
Bleeding and falling apart

And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry
Well I've been around enough to know that that was the lie
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons
Well we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old
And our Father still waits and He watches down the road
To see the crying boys come running back to His arms
And be growing young
Growing young

I've seen silver turn to dross
Seen the very best there ever was
And I'll tell you, it ain't worth what it costs
And I remember my father's house
What I wouldn't give right now
Just to see him and hear him tell me that he loves me so much

And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry
Well I've been around enough to know that that was the lie
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons
Well we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old
And our Father still waits and He watches down the road
To see the crying boys come running back to His arms

And when I thought that I was all alone
It was your voice I heard calling me back home
And I wonder now Lord
What it was that made me wait so long
And what kept You waiting for me all that time
Was Your love stronger than my foolish pride
Will You take me back now, take me back and let me be Your child

'Cause I've been broken now, I've been saved
I've learned to cry, and I've learned how to pray
And I'm learning, I'm learning even I can be changed
And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry
Well I've been around enough to know that that was the lie
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons
Well we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old
And our Father still waits and He watches down the road
To see the crying boys come running back to His arms
And be growing young
Growing young
Growing young

I was reading Rag's blog and came to realise that this is the eighth year since Rich Mullins was called back Home on 19 Sep 1997. Discovered and heard the tribute programme produced by Countdown magazine and it was through this 90-minute streaming that I was reminded of this song ... a song (and many other songs) which I've not heard for quite some time.

It was like an awakening, a recharging ... after many years, his songs somehow just never fails to touch me. It's not about him and his songs, but being an arrowhead that points every listeners to God himself.

For those who have not heard of him before, this is a good starting point to know more about him, his life, his music and how God used (and still uses) him to touch the hearts in this world.

2005-09-28T00:38:00.000+08:00

I don't know why.
I don't know how.
I have no answers.
I must be at fault.
It sounds like it.
I guess it's me after all.

If I have done something wrong, I am truely sorry.
If I have caused anyone to stumble, I am truely sorry.
If I have been an irritating bug to anyone, I am truely sorry.
You don't have to forgive me.
I can understand.

Whether I like it or not, it's my fault.
Even if it is not, it's still my fault.
If it makes You happy,
If this is what You want to hear,
As long as anything goes wrong, even if I have no hand in it or control over it, it will always be my fault and I will take that blame.

After all that have been said, do You still love this ragamuffin?

hungry

2005-09-28T00:34:00.000+08:00

(Kathryn Scott)

Hungry I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty
But I know Your love does not run dry
So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

Broken I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life
So I'll wait for You
So I'll wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

bits and pieces - 25 sep 05

2005-09-25T00:21:00.000+08:00

It was a slow day. No cell group and no youth service because the church was having a healing service over this weekend, and all the urbanrace leaders went for the weekend retreat in Pasir Ris.

I didn't go. Just didn't want to go. There is this unexplainable "generation gap" thing - mostly end up being alone at a corner while others are happily mingling around. Who wants to mix with this old man who is neither here nor there?

Hmmm, being alone... what's new? It's been like that most of my life. Perhaps, I've screwed it up and I just have to live with it.

Went down to JTB to check out the accommodations available and to book the plane tickets. They are offering $1045 (less taxes) for return economy trip and a 7-day full JR pass - definitely good for the pockets, but not the accommodation. I think I better start browsing the web for better pricing.

Popped by Suntec where they have this learning exhibition ongoing. Most of the courses are IT related and I'm avoiding it totally. I recently discover that I'm not the material made for programming.... just simply could not set my brains to think about the alogrithms. Others like electronics engineering, biomedical engineering, psychology ... they just don't sound practical to me or make my heart skip a beat.

Darn! I am screwed again.

I'm lost. I don't know what's next. i just don't know...

It's easy to love.. but what is like to be loved? Hmmm, I don't have answers to that question too... I am really screwed.

crossroads songs

2005-09-23T01:08:00.000+08:00

Funny. These two songs were played almost consecutively from my MP3 player over the last two days while on my way to work in the morning and on my way back home late at night. Though the lyrics to these songs which I had pasted here are only partial, they reflect almost exactly what I was going through at this stage of my life, how I was feeling , what I really wanted to tell God ...

But as I was humming these lines beneath my breath repeatedly, I got "hunches" which were interjected itself in between these lyrics ... as if I was already engaging a conversation ...

Song # 1

Can’t stand still
Still I can’t move on
(I can see that...)
Lord I need Your strength
Need You in me
’cause a part of me is gone
(I know that...)
In time I will know
What I’ve yet to see
(what is it ? ...)
That through all the pain
You hurt the same
(do you see My tears too? ...)
And You’re standing here with me
(do you see Me standing there? ...)
And more than anything it’s You I need
(I know you do ...)

So if I never said
All I needed to say
I’ll say it now
(go ahead, say it ...)
You know I loved You once
(yes...)
I love You stronger today
(you are learning...)
Please love find me a way
(I AM the way .... )
Words I still need to say
But I don’t know how
(you don't need to... I knew that ...)
Please love find me a way
Please show me how
(I have already shown you...
I AM Love, I AM the way, how ? obedience ...)

Song # 2

I’ve watched my days
Turn into years,
And now I’m wondering how I wound up here.
(don't bother anymore...)
I dreamed my dreams,
I made my plans,
But all I’ve built here is an empty man.
(just look at My dreams and plans which I have for you ...)

And I don’t even know who I am anymore.
(but I do ....)
God, I’m praying through the tears,
(I could see that ... I still see that ....)
Let me make up all these years.
(let them go ...)
Oh, have I waited too long?
(no...)
Can I start again?
(yes...)
To be the man You’ve wanted of me.
(at last ! ...)
I’m begging You to show me,
(be still and know that I am Lord .... )
But do You even know me anymore?
(if I don't, would I still be talking to you now?...)

gez, are you ok ?

sorry

2005-09-20T23:12:00.000+08:00

There are times when I want to do my best, but somehow, I could not. I'm still pushing myself ahead but I get drained out pretty fast and tired pretty easily. Already many nights of tears after so many moons and I know I am still fighting this one alone.

I admit I'm darn worthless and useless. Sometimes. I don't even know who I am anymore.

I'm sorry, Pa ... and You don't really have to love this kid.

thankful

2005-09-17T18:11:00.000+08:00

Here I am, nuahing in an Internet Cafe along Stamford Road in between two weddings which I have to crash today.

In case you are wondering, I was away on Thursday evening to Saturday morning with gez to KL. Don't think I want to describe the trip because gez has said it all in his bloggy. It was our first trip together out of Singapore and it had already been etched into my memory.

Though the time spent was short, I thanked God (and still thank Him) for the trip and fellowship which gez and I had - for all the chats and sharing we had, for the breakfast and lunch, for the aimless walkings in Chinatown and MidValley, for the movie, for being able to witness gez on the stage, for the mad-rush to the Sentral KL (sorry kiddo, that is my fault...). But mostly, I thanked God on how He used gez's songs (especially the 2nd one) to move in the midst of the audience. I was choking as I was singing, and a number of people around me were sniffing away, though I didn't really see who they were. Some people lifted their hands, some just sang along with the choking voice (like me). And it's true that till this day, each time I try to sing that song with my git, I found it harder and harder. Gez, thank you so much for the time spent, for the privilege to hear you sing that second song "LIVE"... and for all the joy and blessings.

That night, God was moving mightily in this fund-raising concert held in Glad Tidings (PJ) by BCM, touching many hearts and demonstrated His power and love through many of these young performers.

I was really glad and honoured to be there.

And yes, I was (and still am) very honoured to meet Patrick Leong. Very hospitable, very kind and a very very humble servant of God. Patrick, if you ever read this, thank you very much for all the hospitality you and all the rest of the people have shown to me and gez ... no amount of words in our hearts can make up for all that you have done for us ... and yes, God uses Patrick's songs very powerfully to minister to many.

Last but not least, thank You ... and yes, I know I'm not worthy at all and I have never ever been and I know I will never be.

Here are the photos uploaded by gez.

Sorry if this whole entry sounds very mushy and senseless to you ... hahaha.

Ok, enough said... time to move on to my second wedding function.

run again

2005-09-13T22:07:00.000+08:00

Ran around Science Park this evening for about 20 minutes before I gym for an hour. After the Sunday's experience, I knew I have to keep in shape and get back the motivation of running again.

In the midst of running, something popped into my mind and got me thinking. In fact, it happened last Sunday and today was like a re-cap. God has His ways of remninding me stuff I've learnt before and making me remember them again and again.

Our life on earth is like the run. We always want to run a good race. Ocassionally, we would encounter slopes, rocky routes, muddy roads ... and each time these encounters get tougher to conquer. We get tired, we slowed down, we look for "isotonic drinks" and "cold wet sponge" from God to revitalise ourselves .. and then we move on again, we gain momentum slowly and we overcome them finally before the next set of encounters down the road.

Sounds all too familiar ?

Nobody says the life is going to be easy to run. God did not promise that. But He promised His grace to keep us focused, His strength to sustain us, His guidance and His lead to motivate us - all these when we ask Him and if we remain in constant and intimate fellowship with Him.

[10 cent short]

I was getting breakfast this morning in the canteen and it cost me $1.70 for a plate of mee, a fried egg and a cup of thick black coffee. I wanted to use my spare change, but I ended up having only $1.60 with me. Eventually, I have to whip out a two dollar note to pay and get back thirty cents change.

Not the first time I had this experience of "10 cent short". Many times, I could have paid the small value purchases by paying the vendor with all my coins in my pocket but I am always 10 cent short.

Pa gently reminded me again on the area of provision. He is the provider of all our needs and we will never get to hear Him complaining on "10 cent short". :)

6km run

2005-09-12T21:56:00.000+08:00

I should have slept longer on Sunday morning but I didn't.

Instead, I woke up at 6.30am and went for AHM/SBR 6km route. Ran until the start of the bridge and I began to slack until the end of Rochore exit, then do periodic run/walk. Asking me to run up the slope ? siao, man! Tried that last year and I nearly died already. How can old man like me tahan that type of torture ? Ok ok... fine ... so I did not prepare enough for this run. Hahaha... Anyway, for the rest of the day and night, my body was really aching as if an elephant was happily tap-dancing on my back and my head was throbbing badly. Sign of old age, man.

I am still planning for the Japan trip... may have to cut down the number of days. Seatings for UA flights on 29 Oct (departure) and 5 Nov (return) were snapped up, many thanks to sinteck who forgot to check and perform reservation. Maybe, that itself is a blessing in disguise ... I probably need not do too much planning on the itinerary and save some expenses .. perhaps can spend more time in the onsen and nuah there.

No, for the past 2 days, I did not think or pray about whether to move on to my ex-big boss' team or taking up a 4-year course relating to this area of work. Too tired to think about it already. Think too much is not going to help at all and I will only make myself more depressed, agitated and confused. Perhaps, all I need is just keep on spending time with Pa and at a later stage, I may be able to "think" better.

Nicholas has decided to join me and Bee Ling's team for wave 1 this December. Well, it's definitely a mixed emotions for me, just like watching your mother-in-law driving over the cliff in your new sports car. On one hand, happy to see that he's keen to go and get exposed to missions, on the other hand, I can kiss all the peace and serenity in this trip goodbye. Hahaha, chewy, you are so cruel...

bugging

2005-09-10T12:14:00.000+08:00

Trying out this new software which Blogger has developed to allow people to type their entry using Microsoft Word and post it at a click of a button... Interesting..

My ex-big-boss was "bugging" me for past few days, asking me if I want to join his team. There are two openings in his team - one is SDH transmission and the other one is to take over the colleague who just threw in his towel. The SDH transmission is more interesting but the learning curve will be very steep for me as I have no communications engineering background. Dare not reply him yet because I don't know if I really want to remain in my company for long ... or sometimes, I really do not know what I want to do anymore. Talk about fickle mindedness, man.

Today will be a good day to rest, though I have cell group in the afternoon. Tomorrow will be AHM/SBR. See if I can wake up early enough to go for the 6km fun run. And if I do, don't know if I can still run that whole 6km .. but most probably I'll choose to roll myself down at the start of the Rochore exit all the way to Suntec. :P

BenG, if you ever read this blog from Ann Arbor, Michigan... happy and blessed 27th birthday to you !.

no wonder...

2005-09-07T13:42:00.000+08:00

No wonder my big boss did not approve my leave to Japan. There was a bug in the leave program and my previous application never got sent out. Hence, I resubmitted this morning and he just approved it.

On the other hand, I was thinking whether I should go Japan with sinteck or I go somewhere on my own as a personal retreat and leave sinteck alone in Japan... wah.. I'm fickle-minded already.

Two nights ago, Uncle Boon told me to go for a personal retreat - to pray, to fast, to read, to take a rest. He suggested Fraser Hill or Pangkor Island but I was thinking of Bintan actually. Now that my leave to Japan has been approved and sinteck is still "on" for the trip, maybe I can shift that retreat to Japan. Don't know lah, don't feel like thinking too much nowadays ... just wanted to let my brain rest and slack ... and go into His courts in solitude.

My team kaki handling telecoms threw in his towel early this month. He's really good in his work - can get things done very quickly and efficiently, but somehow, the people up there are not so "appreciative" because he's only a diploma holder. I guess this is one of the typical HR policy, common across the public service - scholars are first class citizens, non-scholar degree holders are first (sub) class, while anything less than a degree holder are second class citizens - though outwardly they don't declare that.

[heart of the shepherd]

As sheperd to our sheeps, we have to constantly guard our hearts before all our sheeps become lamb chops for our dinner. :P

friday

2005-09-02T22:43:00.000+08:00

For the whole of this day until now ...

My back had been aching ...
My back muscles have been pulling very tightly..
My neck is super tense ..
My head is throbbing..
My stress level went up..
My war with depression is still there..

What's next, man?

A solid 2-hour full-body massage also won't to alleviate these problems ...

My ex-big boss' boss popped by my cubicle this morning. He suggested I stay put where I am and taking on some projects from him at a 50% loading. My direct boss supportted the idea as this would give me a lower tendency of the second big R.

But deep down inside, I wanted to leave this place and take a break. Just don't know how or whether to say it now. I don't want to leave on my own accord, take a break and start serving God full-time, when God could actually be saying, "My time for you is not up yet" or "you will not quit from there".

I need to be still.. I need to be quiet.. before Him. Perhaps, He may tell me something as a sign of what my next move may be.

Seriously, I really don't know what's my next move on this set of chess game. I'm just too tired to think about it.

Will ya keep me in prayers on these areas ?

[willy]

I thought I saw red-beret Willy on Channel NewsAsia, standing behind Mr P during the sworn-in ceremony. Ok, I knew it... Willy got arrowed to be one of the ADCs to Mr P.

"extraordinary" tea break

2005-09-01T09:36:00.000+08:00

I just had a sudden invitation to an "extraordinary" tea-break by my previous big boss at the canteen. He invited me to join his team doing something more technical, something which requires more travelling and more running, something which deals with co-ordination work, something which I will have to go through OJT and pick up from scratch though I know what the job entails broadly. Not sure if he's asking me bacause he is in dire need of manpower or he finds that I am able to do the job and ask me to consider before he opens the job to the public.

Sometime back, I told God that I'm prepared to go anywhere He wants me to go and all He needs to do is to show me a visible sign as a direction and confirmation while I was probing around for possibilities of jumping into different kind of work within my company or hopping out to the field to serve Him. In my heart, I don't really mind leaving this place. I do not mind looking out for "greener pastures". But with not much time left in my life, I want to do only what He wants me to do and where He wants me to go according to His timing for me to fulfill the bottom-line blessing in the Abrahamic Covenant.

If He wants me to take up this posting, then I will do it. Then, how long will I be there until He takes me out from there again ... only He has the answer.

Is that an indication and a confirmation from Him ?

All it takes is just a mouse click away ... I will click it if He says "CLICK IT"...

Say something, Papa God.

I think this entry is getting too repetitive and sounding too crappy ....

Pray, pray, pray ....

[in the late afternoon ... ]

My ex-big boss dropped by again. He told me he accidentally "closed" the job opening. But I could see the divisional manager if I'm still keen.

I guessed that is Pa's way of saying - NO.

Anymore openings available ?

what's my next line

2005-09-01T01:26:00.000+08:00

I could still remember watching this old 30-minute TV show called "What's My Line" back in the 1970s, where a group of contestants would have to guess the occupations of the invited guests.

Well, played the same type of guessing "game" just now .. only it should be rephrased as "What's My Next Line" or "What's My Next Course". Three quarters of my brain cells went into oblivion and that made it very challanging, man!

Next stop after all the guessings - zZZZZZZZzzzzz....

tired

2005-08-31T16:59:00.000+08:00

Very tiring today,

Body is feeling super sour and muscles are aching.

Brain is not working as hard it should be which may have been caused by that stoopid viral flu.

And coupled with the stupid battle against depression mood at this time of the year, I need a quick break ... No .... I NEED A 2-HOUR FULL BODY MASSAGE !!!

not again

2005-08-31T01:23:00.000+08:00

Oh no, don't tell me it's that time of the year. I am already sensing depression is trying to seep into my life again.

Sigh....

monday

2005-08-29T08:38:00.000+08:00

ARRRRRRRGH!

It's Monday again. Coupled with my stoopid nose that keeps running, that's quite a bad way to start a new week...

Sighzzz......

[full blown]

It's 1030pm and I just visited my company doctor to get some medication - Lozenges, Dyhasedyl Syrup, Pacofen, Nicozone and Kestine. Though I'm at the onset of a viral flu, I am already feeling super yucky and sucky - head is groggy, eyes are teary, nose is super watery, body is super hot and my muscles and joints are aching as if I am suffering rheumatism ...

Somehow for this whole day, I could still utter these words, "Praise the Lord", under my breath. I only know one thing - that He will see me through this sucky period and bring me to full recovery according to His timing and His will, even when, at this moment, the realities before my eyes don't reveal any single bits of evidence to such truth. Even if He chooses not to, I will still want to praise Him with a grateful heart. Easy to say indeed, but I want to be able to do that as long as I live and not let my waek flesh pull my faith down. Eventually, will I be able to do that ? I really don't know.

Coincidentally, today's devotion from My Utmost For His Highest also traverse along that line called faith -

... Common sense is not faith, and faith is not common sense. In fact, they are as different as the natural life and the spiritual. Can you trust Jesus Christ where your common sense cannot trust Him? Can you venture out with courage on the words of Jesus Christ, while the realities of your commonsense life continue to shout, "It’s all a lie"? When you are on the mountaintop, it’s easy to say, "Oh yes, I believe God can do it," but you have to come down from the mountain to the demon-possessed valley and face the realities that scoff at your Mount-of-Transfiguration belief (see Luke 9:28-42 ). Every time my theology becomes clear to my own mind, I encounter something that contradicts it. As soon as I say, "I believe ’God shall supply all [my] need,’ " the testing of my faith begins ( Philippians 4:19 ). When my strength runs dry and my vision is blinded, will I endure this trial of my faith victoriously or will I turn back in defeat?

All I want tonight is to have a nice long peaceful sleep without the need to wake up in some unearthly hours to take a leak and by tomorrow, I'll be on my way back to work.

Haha.. my big boss approved my leave on 1 and 2 Dec.. which means I can go for the Fever 05 Conference. But he has not approved my leave to go to Japan. Actually, it does not matter if he doesn't approve that eventually ... it's not a need-to-go thing. Thank you, Pa! :)

first fellowship

2005-08-28T21:48:00.000+08:00

Had my first informal meeting with Ps Bee Leng and Michelle, another assistant team leader. The three of us, together with don't-know-how-many youths are one of the teams to embark on the Fever 05's first wave. Work has already started for us - started praying for the trip, the team ..., started to eye-ball on some people who we hope to recruit. I'm already eyeing on Nicholas and Arie. Nicholas has to ask his dad, and I'll have to speak to Arie next week. By 17 Sep, we will have to confirm the team. Fever 05 Conference will be held on 1 and 2 Dec, but I've not applied any leave on those two days. Don't know if my big boss will let me go off these two days...

Met up with sinteck for late supper last night and discussed on our trip to the land of the rising sun. Will have to apply another 3 days leave, but don't know if my big boss will approve. If not, then I'll probably have to commute 7 days of my last year's leave into pay. You see, I'm using my last year's leave for the Fever05 trip and the land of the rising sun, and I've yet to touch this year's leave which is another 28 days... will have to save that for next year, if I'm still around by then.

sniff sniff... AH CHOOOO ... think the flu bug has already caught up with me. Paracetomol, here I come.

roughed up to grow up

2005-08-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

(Taken from Our Daily Bread - 27 Aug 2005)

Read: Hebrews 12:1-11

Do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest His correction. —Proverbs 3:11

Many Christians have to be lovingly roughed up before they will grow up. Although the heavenly Father never allows His children to suffer needlessly, sometimes He lets them experience hard knocks so they'll become mature believers.

The need for "bad weather" to stimulate growth can be seen in nature. Scientists say that the seeds of some desert bushes must be damaged by a storm before they will germinate. They are covered with hard shells that keep out water. This allows them to lie dormant on the sand for several seasons until conditions are right for growth.

When heavy rains finally come, the little seeds are carried away in a flash flood. They are banged against sand, gravel, and rocks as they rush down the slopes. Eventually they settle in a depression where the soil has become damp to a depth of several feet. Only then do they begin to grow, for moisture is absorbed through the nicks and scratches they picked up on their downhill plunge.

Similarly, difficulties may be needed to wake up a sleeping saint. This may hurt for a while, but if we yield to the Lord we will find that life's bruises can mark the beginning of spiritual advances. We may prefer to remain "seeds," but He wants us to become "fruitful trees." —Mart De Haan

Should Thy mercy send me sorrow, toil, and woe,
Or should pain attend me on my path below,
Grant that I may never fail Thy hand to see,
Grant that I may ever cast my care on Thee. —Montgomery

There are no gains without pains.

it is well

2005-08-27T00:48:00.000+08:00

(extracted from cyberhymnal.org)

Words by Horatio G. Spafford, 1873
Music by Philip P. Bliss, 1876

This hymn was written after two major traumas in Spafford’s life. The first was the great Chicago Fire of October 1871, which ruined him financially (he had been a wealthy businessman). Shortly after, while crossing the Atlantic, all four of Spafford’s daughters died in a collision with another ship. Spafford’s wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, “Saved alone.” Several weeks later, as Spafford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, the Holy Spirit inspired these words. They speak to the eternal hope that all believers have, no matter what pain and grief befall them on earth.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

I love the Shane & Shane's version on this hymn from the "Passion 2005 - How Great is Our God". Not a full hymn though, but it got me to keep repeating this track in my MP3 player...

remember ....

2005-08-25T18:16:00.000+08:00

"Remember your Creator before the silver cord is loosed,
Or the golden bowl is broken,
Or the pitcher shattered at the fountain,
Or the wheel broken at the well.
Then the dust will return to the earth as it was,
And the spirit will return to God who gave it." - Ecclesiastes 12:6-7 (NKJ Version)

Will I always remember ..... ?

[on loving the lost ...]

I really love what this bro from Campus Crusade wrote in his newsletter ...

Loving the lost, I discovered, is more than feelings and desire. It often requires faith, courage, willingness to die to self and real action ... But each time I acted by faith, in total dependence on His power, there would be fruitfulness.... "His Grace is made sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness" - 2 Cor 12:9 (NIV Paraphrased)

bits and pieces - 25 aug 05

2005-08-25T17:51:00.000+08:00

Not really been myself this whole week. Been dragging myself to work every morning, hoping I won't bump into any funny surprises. Anxiety level had been quite high too. I know why ... it's my work. The circumstances took a sudden turn and I was in for a roller-coaster ride, not on just one project but mulitple.

YIPPPPPEEEEEEEEE!

Have yet to apply my leave for the "land of rising sun" and Fever 05. Want to wait for all the anxieties to stablise first before doing that and I hope I won't have to wait too long.

Very tired .... very.

reunion dinners

2005-08-19T11:27:00.000+08:00

[reunion dinner # 1]

It was an all-boys outing on Wednesday evening at Suntec - me, callan, kokleong, limfei, hearn yuit, dehui. One big fun lot, simply letting our hair down and chatting every topics we could think of under the sun. And interestingly, I'm the oldest in this whole group - 11 to 13 years difference by comparison with each of them.

me, callan and kokleong are still holding on to our same jobs.

limfei is in the teaching business - facilitating GP for JC1 students in JJC ...

hearn yuit - he took an indefinite leave from his PHD studies in Syracuse U, just returned home and will start working next week with PUB (not the watering hole where people toggle till they puke into the toilet bowl) for few years before deciding whether to attain his doctorate title. He still has that same boyish look on his face which does not qualify him for R21 or
even M18 movies.

dehui - at last, he is officially CPT(DR) in rank and he's also the property of SAF for the next 12 years. His first posting will be Gombak and he will have lots of chance to meet up with tiancai.

[reunion dinner # 2]

It's more of a farewell dinner actually. Yesterday, we made an appointment during lunch time and met up in the evening for a sushi dinner. Topics for conversation are generally recycled but with some interesting variations. This time, when she leaves, I won't know if we will ever get to meet again or I will get to see her alive anymore. In about 10 hours time, she will be in the air, en route to city L. And for the next one year or so, she will be shuttling between city L and city P for her treatments - treating something she has inherited genetically, but I'm not biologically affected by it. If all goes well, she will want to roll-out her invention which she has just secured the patent rights to the mass market around the world.

She's really a one tough lady and she will never give up without a good fight. Not in the sense of punches and blows, but her dreams and her medical condition.

Even she is only 6 years younger than me and I told her to drop the protocol, she still calls me Uncle.

That evening may be our last meeting but I hope not and I pray not. I'm still waiting for the day to see her getting married to the man of her dream ... in city NY.

reunion

2005-08-16T23:36:00.000+08:00

Attended the NDP EXCO Appreciation Dinner at the Chevron. Met someone whom I did not expect to see - my former unit RSM in AETC (then 38SCE), SWO Lim. Saw him at the queue first, then his table was just in front of mines. As the dinner began, his table had only three persons and he asked me to join him.

He has an incredible photographic memory. He could still remember all the extras which I've signed in his book, while I was an active servicemen for 1.5 years back then, were completely cancelled each time my ex-boss went to talk to him. I really attribute this to God's grace. Subsequently, for every ICT I went, I would definitely bump into him as he was one of the trainers. Now, he has just passed his fifty mark and holding an equivalent of OC appointment... doing what he needs to do until he hits the retirement age.

No lah, he did not bear any grudges on me for not serving my extra duties after so many years later... Hahaha. In fact, we chatted throughout the dinner, topics ranging from the good old times, the people we knew, to the latest changes back in my former unit and what would be happening in near future. He's a typical hokkien peng, but a very hardworking and loyal one. Though he is approaching his retirement age and having a bit of a high blood pressure, he still looks as fit as a horse.

He talked about NDP07, something which is two years from now. Think he has already been arrowed to be involved. Me not surprised, already knew that the Engineers Formation will be running the event.

Not sure if I will ever meet him again.

my funeral

2005-08-16T00:27:00.000+08:00

If I were to die one day, what kind of funeral would I want to have ?

Firstly, nobody are supposed to cry. This the saeson to be jolly, tra-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ... all must, at least, smile. :)

Secondly, I'll pre-arrange all the praise songs for the night services - probably starting with "This Is The Day, This Is The Day that the Lord has made...". Choose my own worship leader. Get the whole band with all their instruments to play and wake up the neighbourhood. This wil be no sob-sob session, but a celebration service with everyone rejoicing and dancing for joy.

Thirdly, I'll probably do a recording first and say what I want to say - the moment I'm gone, just whip out that video and show it over the projector. If there are people who really die die want to say something, then talk about Jesus ... then do an altar call for those who have yet to accept Christ or rededicating their lives to Him.

Fourthly, no last-mile journey to the Mandai Crematorium. Just engage FedEx to deliver the boxed-up coffin straight to the incinerator. Save the hassle of arranging buses and the transportation cost could also be saved.

Lastly, just scatter my ashes over the sea ... or if the ashes has to be kept in the columbarium, just crave these few words on the faceplate - "Happily returned to the house of God - look for him up there, NOT here".

How to ensure all of the above are carried out ? Well, have all these planned out first, penned the whole plan down on a paper and get an executor to keep. The moment my last breath is up, he or she can then whip out that plan and execute accordingly.

This must be the most gila funeral you will ever find in Singapore ... if that ever were to happen. Older generations may just find this a real taboo and blasphemous. Well, seriously, I really don't mind at all.

good news, bad news

2005-08-15T13:26:00.000+08:00

Got a good news and a bad news just now through an email ...

Good news - I'm being arrowed for East Timor trip from 4 - 11 Dec and I need not lead any teams at all ... YEHH!!!! WOOHOOO !!! WOOT !!! :) I only need to play the assistant leader's role, similar to what I had been doing for Ezra's team.

Bad news - my team leader is Ps Bee Leng ... ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH! .... CHAM LIAO LAH !!! BWAHAHAHAHA! (This is what I mean by "don't know whether to laugh or to cry").

give me jesus

2005-08-15T11:43:00.000+08:00

Arranged and sung by Fernando Ortega

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

When I am alone
When I am alone
When I am alone, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

When I come to die
When I come to die
When I come to die, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

I was already choking in my throat and my eyes were already watery when the congregation sang this song towards the send of service, in memory of Patricia Kok. They tweaked the last stanza to "When I lay down to die", but I still preferred the one above.

bits and pieces - 14 aug 05

2005-08-14T22:57:00.000+08:00

Got an sms from Chui Lee that her dad passed away today. Not sure what was the cause of it but all I know was that he suffered from stroke and was admitted to SGH for quite some time.

The service was kind of solemn when Ps Derek started preaching, His sermon focused on John 12:24-26:

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

When is the finest hour of your life ? When you receive your degree scroll? When you get your promotion at your work place ? When you have been appointed CEO of a big company ? Jesus' finest hour was referring to His death. It's only on His death on the cross that many seeds will be produced, the salvation for mankind can be fulfilled, people will be able to find THE only way back to the Father. Patricia's finest hour, or even Ven Gerald Khoo's or Rich Mullins' or even Chris Tan of the former Campus Crusade staff (just to name a few I can remember) ... were in their death that many other people were inspired and tourched by what these people had done in their lifetime, their love for Christ and their passion to bring the good news to the ends of the earth, so that "all peoples on earth will be blessed through you" (Gen 12:3).

Will I forever recognise that the Cross of Jesus is in fact the power of God (1 Cor 1:18), and I will only boast on the Cross of Jesus?

Will I learn to see that death and glory goes hand-in-hand ?

Will I, for the rest of my life, be able to boldly and convincingly declare that "neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39)?

Perhaps that's one of the questions that God is grilling me, making me think carefully is the price which I have to pay by following Him... am I ready to face that fear?

And to overcome that fear of the "finest hour" is going back to the basics - back to developing an intimate relationship with Him, spending time with Him, chasing after His heart, getting to know Him more and more as long as I live ... and as that love relationship deepens and my focus on Him broadens, He overshadows and covers all other worries and circumstances I face in my life, because He is so much greater than all these things, including death.

The only question which He has left for me to answer is this - "What is my choice?". Do I want to choose to get back to the devotion habit or do I choose to let the things / worries / burdens of this world blind me from getting back to the basics, even if it is only 15 minutes per day ? These things/worries/burdens stuff will always be there, but whether to be blinded or overwhelmed by them and not able to spend time with God, is ultimately my choice. Along the same line, do I want to come before Him as who I am and let Him cleansed me ? Do I want to, in my whole life, learn to be holy before Him, to learn to fear Him with reverence and awe ?

On the same note, God has set us free from bondages and sins through Christ. It's our choice if we want to remain free or hop out from His palms and remain in our past sins.

It had a good reflection and reawakening for me. Keeps me within the spectrum of sanity and helps me to realise my fragility so I can always embrace in His strength. I'm still learning ... and somehow, that is also a choice - want to learn to be more like Him as long as I live or don't want to at all.

patricia

2005-08-14T00:47:00.000+08:00

Patricia Kok was formerly nurse practitioner before becoming a missionary from coos to Middle East for 7 years. On 6 Aug 05, she died in a single car accident on the mountainous section of the Samara Pass.

Can't say I know her, but saw her before in church. Yes, she's bubbly and cheery, and she was back home during the mission's month. Now, she's gone home to be with Pa. Her death reminded me of veteran missionary, the late Archdeacon of Thailand, Ven Gerald Khoo who, on 15 Dec 2003, collapsed suddenly and died in Thailand. Her death also reminded me of Rich Mullins, the down-to-earth artist who penned Awesome God and Step By Step, died in a car accident while on the way to a benefit concert in Kansas on 19 Sep 1997.

Are you willing to live your life like Patricia or Ven Gerald or Rich - an Arrow, Ambassador and Apostle? Will you live a life that will become an example that will inspire others to reach after truth, simplicity and directness in their relationships; do the work of an evangelist, be an ambassador of the Kingdom of Heaven; and remain strong and courageous to see God’s breakthroughs in the face of so-called impossibilities? Knowing the fact that death to the body will come sooner or later, will you still step out in faith and serve Me whole-heartedly?

Yes, I still want to. Help me to be one. Though I don't really wish to die like that, but then, what is there to loose eventually? The body may die, but He has given us eternal life!

[back]

Back to CG, still see the same rowdiness in these kids. A bit harsh on my sharing toady, but I hope they understand. Incidentally, Ps Bee Ling's message during the youth service was on Fear of God Part 2 (part 1 - last weekend)... and it sort of threaded along the same note with my earlier sharing.

In the eyes of the unbelievers, fear of God is the fear of judgement and eternal death. But for Christians, it's all about showing "gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe; for our God is a consuming fire" (Heb 12:28-29). But, how can one show the fear of God, giving God all the reverence and awe, when some are not worshipping God whole-heartedly during praise and worship or listening intently to His words through the preacher's sermon, but chatting away with their friends or playing or sms-ing with their handphones?

But, I still believe that these youths will grow up, be more like Him, hunger for His words and chase after His heart. I believe they will still become the mighty young men and women for God in the new generation. We just have to keep on persevering, keep on believing, keep on sowing His seeds into their hearts... and let God take control and do the rest.

Cham liao... I'm starting to see my CG kids as if they were my own children. Is that good or what ?

Peter was around during the service. He's coping alright but he's still struggling ...

back from trip

2005-08-11T08:43:00.000+08:00

Just read BenG's blog. He and his team just returned to Ann Arbor, Michigan from his mission trip in Winslow, Arizona, ministering to the Navajo Indians. Not only seeing God is at work amongst the people, but He was even ministering to the team, and himself too.

Praise God ! :)

little superhero girl

2005-08-11T00:27:00.000+08:00

It was truely a night of the little superhero girl. No fanciful costumes or makeup but her simple self and a small band playing to a full house, mesmerising the audience for two hours (including half an hour of two encores) with her voice and all her songs she wrote. For the first time, we got to hear her sing "Close To You" by the Carpenters which was neither found in any of her albums. Her signature song "Fly Away" also never failed to cause some people to sniff and its chorus reminded me again of someone whom I love dearly ....

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way.....

To her fans, Corrinne May will always be remembered as the little superhero girl.

mission accomplished

2005-08-10T00:23:00.000+08:00

Fait Accompli !
It's all over !
Mr P is happy,
Lao Goh is happy,
Lao Lee is happy,
Xiao Lee is happy,
Everyone is happy,
I'm happy... because weather was good and everything went smoothly ... and I don't need to burn any more NDP weekends until NDP06 gets kicked off again next year.

It was a very successful show. To the people, it's a celebration. To me, it's a dedication to God for His goodness and mercy over this land ... to honour and glorify Him.

I need a rest, man !

happy 40th birthday

2005-08-09T00:42:00.000+08:00

40 years of independence
40 years of God's faithfulness over this nation
40 years of God's wisdom and guidance over the leaders
40 years of God's blessings and providence for the people
Without Him, we would never be able to come so far and we must never forget His faithfulness and mercy.

And suddenly, I was reminded of the Great Commission ... the top-line and bottom-line blessings. Many believed that Jesus first gave the Great Commission, but in fact, it was first given through the Abrahamic Covenant:

"I will make you into a great nation
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you."

Geneis 12:2-3

We have received so much top-line blessings - all the blessings, prosperity, peace, wealth which God has given to us over the past 40 years ... God has made Singapore a great nation - the antioch of Asia. Now, the bottom-line blessings is to reach out to all the people at the ends of the earth, so that they too will be blessed.

Are we willing to fulfill that Great Commission that He has placed in us or are we going to remain complacent and within our comfort zone for the next 40 years ?

Happy 40th birthday, Singapore !

night 3

2005-08-08T00:31:00.000+08:00

Third night, final night...

Thank You, Lord! I've really never danced so muccccccccccccccccch for You in my whole life and I still did not run out of breath at all. :)

Who says old man cannot let his hair down and dance before the Lord? Hmmmm, I used to say something along that line, but now I have to take that back ... :P

I'll never be worthy ... but You will always be THE GREAT I AM !

fop06

2005-08-07T00:19:00.000+08:00

At last! I managed to get into the stadium this evening. Was there on last night (Friday), but got turned away because the venue was already packed .. even the holding room at South Entrance too! But even though I got in, I was already sitting at the upper gallery behind the stage - the last area before holding area will be opened. Can't help it, I was on my routine NDP duty and by the time I closed shop for my portion and hit the stadium and start queuing from the car park, it was already 6pm.

No description is required on the praise and worship. You see one, you see all. To me, it was really beautiful, a time of seeking Him in worship. I wanted that and that's why I went, besides the original intention of going on Sunday evening and hearing Rev Colin Dye's sermon. But, this evening, Rev Dye's sharing hit a button in me again ... a button which was built into during the Go4th ... reaching out, touching lives ... those lives whom people (even Christians) would label as incorrigible and shun away ... those lives who, every night underneath their blankets, would cry out to the someone up there ... hoping whoever He is, would eventually hear and deliver them from their predicaments and sufferings ...

it's not about me ... it's all about Him.

All I need is You...
All I need is You Lord, is You Lord ...
All I need is You...
All I need is You Lord, is You Lord ...

I love You
All of my hope is in You
Jesus Christ take my life
Take all of me

I am nothing. You are everything. You are THE GREAT I AM !

Thank you, Pa! At least, I don't feel alone because of You, even though I was attending it alone.

[meeting with pete]

Got to meet up with Peter in CCK on Thursday afternoon. Had a good time listening to him. I could see some parts of me in Him. Shan't write about the details, but to sum up, it was all about choice - the choice we can make, to make it better by surrendering it all to Him or to make it worst by relying on our own strength and wisdom. At the end of a heart-to-heart talk with him, I realised that whatever I spoke ... it was Him who spoke, referncing to my family.

I hope to catch up with him after I return to my CG and youth service next Saturday.

[too fast ..]

These people are really too fast. I am officially roped in for NDP06, carrying on with my current OIC role ... unless I am being roped out of my company by Pa.

ndp06

2005-08-04T08:19:00.000+08:00

This is very fast.

Before NDP05 officially ends next Tuesday night, I'm being earmarked for NDP06. Wah! aren't you wee bit too early to do that ? You better pray that I'll still be around the company by that time, man ... and Uncle Jimmy is also being earmarked for next year too ... they just really don't want to let him retire.

But the venue for next year will be at National Stadium ... for the very very last time, before they move to Marina South and start dancing on the pontoon which may be floating on the sea ... or this is what I've heard over the grapevine. Logistics requirements at Stadium will be a lot more than City Hall, but the control and movement wise, it is definitely much better. Not good for me as I do not have to a direct bus to the venue lor. Haizzz....

Just see how things will turn out eventually lah.

[6 aug]

Pple say that there will be no rehearsal on that day. That's true, but there's component trainings. Best of all, Uncle Jimmy won't be around as he has project work to do in one of the secret places. So, I'll have to cover his work that day too. Can kiss my CG goodbye for that day lor.

Really don't know leh, after missing a number of sessions, I felt this funny and weird feeling about going back to my CG after NDP. I felt like a stranger suddenly and don't know how well will I be able to fit myself back to the youth ministry. Call this the side-effects if you like, but yeah .. aiyah, see how lah...

peter

2005-08-04T00:37:00.000+08:00

Took the first step to initiate the first sms with Peter in the evening after Jan has given me his HP nos for quite some time.. Hmm, call it God's arrangement, he called back much later and was already on the verge of tearing and breaking down after some unhappiness between him and his dad.

Had a MSN chat with him earlier ... could sense that he's a very angry young man (I hope I'm dead wrong on this).

Will try to meet him for a chat tomorrow afternoon if I can claim part of my NDP off. Just want to be a friend and bro to him first, and let God take control and do the rest. And a lot of prayers is really required here... and I already felt that strong urge to spend sometime to pray for him after conversing with him and while walking along the Marina Promenade.

[security passes]

This sounds stupid, but I may be wearing three passes just for the actual NDP itself, all clipped onto the lanyard on my neck. My goodness ....

ndp preview

2005-08-01T22:48:00.000+08:00

Too bad, had to miss SonicFest on Saturday night because of the NDP Preview. By the time we finished our jobs, the open-air concert would have almost come to an end. At least, I attended the Friday night and had a good time jumping to the sounds of PlanetShakers and SonicFlood. Hmm, this old man jumping with all the other youths... I must be getting crazy huh. Bumped into Jan, he was supposed to "introduce" me to Peter Zhang but I think Peter went MIA .. oh well..

Popped by the Village after the concert but I did not buy any stuff because I forgot to withdraw cash from the ATM earlier in the day. But was glad to stop by the World Outreach International booth ... got to understand their roles and functions as an International NGO and how they supported themselves financially ... hmm, sounds so much like Campus Crusade staff. If possible, I would really like to join them in one of their short expeditions in 2006.

Back to the Preview, everything was just the same except the darn security has really tightened. The security chaps declared the City Hall as "sterlised" but the Padang field, including St Andrew's Road were considered as "contaminated". This would mean that the moment I crossed the barricades and stepped foot onto the road, I would be considered "unclean" and I would have to make a big round and walk to the police checkpoint behind City Hall to be scanned and checked if I were to return to City Hall. Just imagine I had to travel between City Hall and Padang field quite a few times in the morning .... hur hur.

Bumped into my old friend from the Ordanance Explosive Unit again.. he still looked the same after all these years ever since we knew each other while we were NSFs back then. He was there to sniff out bombs with his other colleagues and the doggies. Also, lots of PSC pple walking around the City Hall building with the silencers hidden underneath their clothes ... making sure nobody was trying to take down any of the VVIPs. If you think this is tight, just wait till the actual day itself, the security level would go even much higher.

Frankly, I prefered to stay out of City Hall and hide myself in Starbucks down at Beach Road. I felt very uncomfortable hanging inside that building, more so especially when the PSC pple were just around the corner, the VVIPs would cut across that area, and the stupid DECON area was just right next to the room of the "babies" whom I was babysitting .... and I could only leave the building until the key babies had marched to the field to execute their commands for the Parade.

On the bright side, I've scheduled all my off-days to be on Mondays (except the eve of the Parade). I really needed a break. At least for past two Mondays, I could visit the library and read a book, sip a cup of coffee, catch a movie. But if you ask me, the best would still be taking a permenant departure from my company and go for a long break before I start to embark on my last leg of my life journey ...

And yeah, I loved that movie, "Little Brother" ... very sad and very moving too. Where was the kleenex tissue when I needed it?

[on tv]

whoa! Matthew, Chee Meng and Shah (the ShowTec counterpart) appeared on ChannelNewsAsia 10pm news on Sunday night leh. The news team did the filming in the Control Room on Saturday afternoon while I was "hybernating" at the room of my "babies". Phew! thank goodness! I wasn't shot by the cams leh.

tired

2005-07-29T00:06:00.000+08:00

Was kind of tired and drained for past 1 to 2 weeks. Outwardly, I may look fine, but the inside of me was screaming for an escapade to some la-la land. It's more than just a physical thing, I need to do a re-prioritisation of my life ever since Go4th.

One thing I know for sure, is that I need for a change in my worklife and that means I may not want to be in this company for long. Probably my work has gotten too monotonous and mundane after all these years, that there's not much value being added .. and everyday was kind of getting more draggy. Ok, ok ... to cut it short, I'm dying to leave. Period.

Frankly, I do not mind taking a few months away from work, just spend time with Him and seeking Him, do some of the things which I would like to finish doing (like my driving license) ... while waiting to see where to go next. Nuahing sounds like a nice thing, but I don't want to over-nuah, man.

Shared my thoughts with Jen through MSN just now. Good advice she gave, "don't think too much, just pray"

Pray for me.. yah? (nah, never mind... shouldn't be bugging you with these old-man problems .. )

[ne3/cr5]

Uncle Jimmy went on the zaobao papers last Saturday for using his ears to tune to sound for past 14 years of NDP involvement... wah! he gilat, man! Standing on the City Hall rooftop overlooking Padang with the SPL meter in his hands.. woot! wonder if Serene had seen the article...

all the way my saviour leads me

2005-07-28T23:49:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to gez and zacky (if you still ever read this bloggy) and mattyflower (if you ever find this blog) and ah ray (if you ever find this blog too) and selwyn ... and all the people whom I've cared and loved after all these years ... may you always rest in His peace and dwell in His love, for He is your comforter, your guide ... and your Saviour.

by Fanny J. Crosby and Robert Lowery
Sung by Rich Mullins

All the way my Savior leads me
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His faithful mercies?
Who through life has been my guide
Heavenly peace, divinest comfort
Ere by faith in Him to dwell
For I know whate'er fall me
Jesus doeth all things well

All of the way my Savior leads me
And He cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me strength for every trial
And He feeds me with the living bread
And though my weary steps may falter
And my soul a-thirst may be
Gushing from a rock before me
Though a spirit joy I see

And all the way my Savior leads me
Oh, the fullness of His love
Perfect rest in me is promised
In my Father's house above
When my spirit clothed immortal
Wings it's flight through the realms of the day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way

the connector

2005-07-22T23:54:00.000+08:00

I decided to take a walk along the Alexandra Park Connector from Zion Road all the way back home. This is the second time I walked that stretch of pathway by the canel. The last time was with gez after his show in Grace AOG on 14 July but it was the reverse direction.

The journey was long, though mathematically, the actual distance wasn't. It was a very quiet walk... a lonely one, just like being dumped and casted out. It was not the physical, but much deeper and in a spiritual sense. My heart cried out, but no answer, no comfort. Irregardless, this remaining journey will not be an easy one, and I have to learn to continue to be strong in Him.

After all these years, I still do not know how to let go of my past completely. I still could not learn to forgive myself.

The worst enemy in my life had always been me.

Sounds incoherent? Just ignore what I wrote.

satchel

2005-07-22T12:52:00.000+08:00

I was running through the comics section in todays' Straits Times and saw this "Get Fuzzy" strip. Satchel was writing on the desk, probably a short journal or letter which says, "I can't doo anything rite. by Satchel Pooch".

I felt like Satchel Pooch suddenly.

Retrospectively, I have never done anything right for You. Sorry that I'm such a bummer ... forgive me, will Ya?

rising sun 2

2005-07-21T23:54:00.000+08:00

Initial itinerary is out. Whole trip looks more like a revisitation with probably a slight detour - Hakone, Kyoto, Osaka, Tokyo - maybe, to Hiroshima or Nara or some other places which I've yet to decide.

I don't know why, but I get very excited, motivated, stirred up whenever I read the testimonies or newsletters of those stinters working in other countries or dedicating themselves to the Lord's work locally. It was like "Whoa! God! can I go out there? is it time to move? or I should continue to nuah within the four walls of my cubicle?".

I don't have the answers. For now, I don't.

rising sun

2005-07-19T23:06:00.000+08:00

If all goes well as planned, I'll be in the land of the rising sun from 28 Oct to 5 Nov. Hope to visit Jen and Ps Peter seperately and catch up with them.

cr4/ne2

2005-07-17T00:44:00.000+08:00

A quick one before hitting the sacks. Tomorrow morning is PA duty again in Woodlands and Wesley will be leading worship.

Today, everything went well. Thank God. 1M was the Reviewing Officer and the surrounding security in City Hall was darn tied, but not much problem for me to manoeuver around. Just for record, 1M is abbreviation we often used to address 1st Minister for Defence .. that's my super-highest boss in my workplace.

Met up with Derek, my side kick and the rest of my chain gang from Z3 on the field after the show. This year, they are providing the medical support on the spectators gallery. As long as there are no casualties, all they need to do is to stand there and enjoy the show. Shiok leh.

Matthew, my colleague cum PA and Sound Chairman, celebrated his birthday today in the sound control room. The committee got him a fruit cake (in fact, my team went to buy the cake from Bugis Junction after we "closed shop" at Beach Road Camp at 1940hrs), sang a birthday song for him, got him to blow the candle and cut the cake, and got him to bring the whole cake home to eat. He shall have the 21-cm sized cake for breakfast tomorrow, and the whole of next week. Hahaha, I shall see his enlarged waistline by next weekend.

Missed Ps Glenn's SURREAL band performance at Esplanade ... in fact, I was five minutes late and the show was only 30 minutes from 2200hrs to 2230hrs. Haizzz... but all is not lost, my favorite poster shop at Level 2 was taking orders for Chronicles of Narnia poster (looks more like a regular version)... slurp slurp ... :P No prize for guessing what happened next. I can't help it, I'm a movie posters fanatic... In fact, I also got the hong kong teaser poster for the chinese movie "Seven Swords", akan datang to Singapore screens in August next month.

{night of the nations)

Was at the "night of the nations" event held in coos. William Tham (my old buddy from the youth ministry days) was back in Singapore with Ana, his brazilian wife-missionary. William went to city K (in XJ province, country C) four years ago, and this time, he brought lots of encouraging updates - signs and wonders are seen in this place which are predominantly M, people are seeing Jesus in their dreams and they are turning towards Christ.

Whoa! very challenged, man!

letter

2005-07-15T17:36:00.000+08:00

Got my letter yesterday morning after a long wait, but took me more than one day to ponder over it. Didn't share with anyone, don't know what to say too. Well, on one hand, I kind of long expected that it may turn out to be that way, so I'm not a bit surprised. Some people may say that it's due to the nature of my work that causes it to be that way. But I see it as my inability to give my very best for God. I did say that if that happened, I would take that as a sign to exit. Well, that's not a problem. It is the "where next?" that is still the unknown factor.

Sorry for not doing my best for you and give you all the glory due to you
Sorry for causing you grief many times
Sorry for not being a good kid to you

Sorry, Heavenly Dad.

You have all the rights to be pissed with me
You have all the rights to ignore me and turn your face away from me
You have all the rights to zap me into oblivion if it pleases you.

I am nothing. You are everything.

eczema

2005-07-15T00:38:00.000+08:00

Went for my medical checkup this morning. Everything looks ok, except my hands and foot eczema. Hands not really so obvious to the eyes, but the foot... yah, that's where the real problem is.

Anyway, review on my checkup will be two weeks later. See what the doc has to say lor.

vision

2005-07-14T01:09:00.000+08:00

Wrote this on Wednesday night after the Leaders' prayer and fast session, but decided to post it only tonight.

At the end of the session that night, Bee Ling asked us to take a minute to "dare to dream dreams" - to vision - and commit it to God.

I envisioned my P6 cell members in my mind. I saw each one of them become so on fire for God. I saw each one of them constatntly craving for God's Words and always wanting to be intimate with Him. I saw each one of them kneeling down (or even prostrating) and worshipping God like I had never seen before. I saw each one of them prayed boldly and loudly according to what God had impressed upon their hearts. I saw each one of them filled with so much of God's love that they went around loving ALL the people they met. I saw them reaching out to all the people in need and extending a helping hand with gladness. I saw each one of them praying for other youths - younger ones and older ones alike - praying for God's healing for these other youths spiritually and emotionally. Each and every one of them did all these without being told or nudged. I saw each one of them leading the lost sheeps to Christ.

Quite a vision to cramp into that one minute.

I know this is a far cry from the current state of my cell group, though I am still encouraged by just one or two members picking up slowly. I felt kind of ambitious and I might just encounter many disappointments along the way.

But I'm still yielding on this vision, and I'm committing it into His hands. I don't know if I will get to see it happen in this cell, or in other future cells, or even in my lifetime, I will hold on to it until God puts a new revelation in me. Irregardless of how they will grow along the way, I'll continue to learn to love them and believe in them, praying that God, in His time, will turn their hearts towards Him. Meanwhile, I'll continue to do what I must do, me as a sheep to the Master Shepherd and me as a shepherd to his sheeps.

Unless God places a different one in me, I am not giving up this vision. I believe it will come to past, whether I get to see it or not. I'm just only a miserable instrument, but He is in FULL control orchestrating His works.

sold out

2005-07-12T11:47:00.000+08:00

WAAAAAH! Corrinne May's "Safe In A Crazy World" concert on 10 August 2005 evening has been completed sold out, even the show is just one month away.

Heng ah! I have already bought 3 tickets. Any takers for the other 2, for the last time ?

lukewarm

2005-07-12T01:38:00.000+08:00

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. (Rev 3:15-16)

The axe is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire. (Luke 3:9)

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. (Matt 5:13)

After going through the Day 10 and Day 11 of the 40-day fast booklet, I felt a very strong prompting to write about lukewarm christians in the P6 cell group's blog. The words used were harsh, but I did not care. I wrote based on what His Spirit has impressed on my heart. I don't know if they will ever read it, and if they do, will they ever take heed and repent or just continue to be lukewarm and waiting for God to spit them out even at their young age of 12? Somehow, I sense that as long as they are old enough to know and learn, the message have to be made known to them, hitting it straight into the core of their hearts.

Somehow, I know that these verses are meant for me as a stern reminder. I believe there are areas in my life which are lukewarm and I need to repent on those. I need Him to point them out. I need His strength to help me change. I need His hands to lift me up should I fall again. I need His fire to make me hot should I turn lukewarm or cold. Can be quite uncomfortable. Can be quite uncomfortable with the reminders or reprimands, but somehow, I'm still thankful.. at least, I know it helps me not to stray off course.

congrats, ryan!

2005-07-11T11:44:00.000+08:00

Finally, Ryan Lee tied his knot last Friday night with Choon Yen which was the same night I suay suay gena fever and stomach flu. Attended his wedding dinner with Shirley and Karol, but left after the second dish to get medication from doc at a Holland V clinic (it's free anyway, under company's coverage).

Frankly, we were quite surprised when he sent us his e-invitation to his wedding dinner about two months ago. "He so fast found a girlfriend?" we thought. Not sure how true it was but I heard that he met his significant other half during the NDP04 rehearsals when he was a marshall for pledge takers. Then, on Valentine's Day 2005, he proposed to her in a cinema and a snapshot of the proposal popped out in the papers. The rest are ... history lah. :). Because he was a SAF regular, and his ORD date was one day after his wedding, he managed to get 8 kakis to form the sword bearers to march in for him.

Well, Ryan is really very very blessed. Few years back, he met an accident and it was so serious that the doctors told his family to be prepared for the worst. He almost lost his memory, his psychomotor skills were almost gone .. but he somehow persevered and did not give up hope throughout his rehabilitation. He hanged on, he endured and he pulled through eventually. I'm happy for him. I'm proud of this chap who was an IA student from Poly back in the CD2 days. I admire his perserverence through his hard times with his never-say-die attitude.

But deep down, I know everything that happened has a purpose in Him. God's grace and mercy are really at work in his life, but Ryan has yet to come to accept Him. And as we hardly meet, all I could do is to pray for his salvation ... that his escape from death years ago, his ability to recover and able to marry a wonderful gal are due to His love, goodness, grace and mercy.

Congrats, Ryan! You have found your significant other half. But, may you and her also find Jesus who has given both of you the ultimate love, hope and eternal life 2000 years ago and let Him be the ruler of your life.

cool!

2005-07-10T23:55:00.000+08:00

Found this gimmick from Ben.G's bloggy. Cute, man!

cr3/ne1

2005-07-10T00:55:00.000+08:00

Supposed to be on MC today because I gena stomach flu and fever last nite. In fact, I was battling with the fever throughout the night, but this morning was well enough for me to get going about my work.

First NE show today. Big crowd turnout from the P5 kids. But that's not all, still got another one or two more NE shows to go before the Preview.

An accident occured.. a red lion steered the wrong direction and somehow lost control of his parachute and WHAM, he crashed on to the field. I could see it clearly from City Hall with the Parade RSM. Really, it was heartbreaking. I was praying for God's mercy and grace to sustain him. We did not know what happened after he was being evacuated by the medics but heard he was seriously injured. Parade RSM blamed it on the wind condition - in fact, there were no wind at all to help the paratroopers to glide their way down to the field. No wonder all other red lions were also almost out of control of their chutes.

Even Serene in the other country heard about it on the same evening (Uncle Jimmy told me during the debrief) ... she must have read it from ChannelNewsasia website.

sometimes when i'm dreaming

2005-07-08T00:31:00.000+08:00

All the friends I believed in
I believed in for a while
They had their flair
They had their style
But nobody quite got it right
Nobody knew just how it feels to dream
Dream...

But sometimes when I'm dreaming
And I dream a lot these days
I need someone who understands
Who leads me through the haze
It's only when I'm dreaming
That I fall in love for real
But I wake up screaming
Sometimes when I'm dreaming

And it's now that I need a friend
I reach out for the phone
Nobody's there, nobody's home
Though it may not be right to give up the fight
I'm sailing away
Now I'm on my own
Alone...

But sometimes when I'm dreaming
And I dream a lot these days
I need someone who understands
Who leads me through the haze
It's only when I'm dreaming
That I fall in love for real
But I wake up screaming
Sometimes when I'm dreaming

But I wake up screaming
Sometimes when I'm dreaming

First heard of this song, sung by Art Garfunkel, back in the 80s when I was still a student. It somehow left an indeligible mark in my memory... buried but not forgotten. Recently, that oddie was played through the radio and so happened I was tuning in to that station. Somehow or rather, after so many years, even until this day, it stirred my heart again and I still can easily identify myself with the heartbreaking lyrics. Somehow, it did break my heart ...

all efforts of worth and excellence are difficult

2005-07-08T00:19:00.000+08:00

taken from "My Utmost For His Highest" by Oswald Chambers (7 Jul devotion)

"Enter by the narrow gate . . . . Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life . . . " —Matthew 7:13-14

If we are going to live as disciples of Jesus, we have to remember that all efforts of worth and excellence are difficult. The Christian life is gloriously difficult, but its difficulty does not make us faint and cave in— it stirs us up to overcome. Do we appreciate the miraculous salvation of Jesus Christ enough to be our utmost for His highest— our best for His glory?

God saves people by His sovereign grace through the atonement of Jesus, and "it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure" ( Philippians 2:13 ). But we have to "work out" that salvation in our everyday, practical living (Philippians 2:12). If we will only start on the basis of His redemption to do what He commands, then we will find that we can do it. If we fail, it is because we have not yet put into practice what God has placed within us. But a crisis will reveal whether or not we have been putting it into practice. If we will obey the Spirit of God and practice in our physical life what God has placed within us by His Spirit, then when a crisis does come we will find that our own nature, as well as the grace of God, will stand by us.

Thank God that He does give us difficult things to do! His salvation is a joyous thing, but it is also something that requires bravery, courage, and holiness. It tests us for all we are worth. Jesus is "bringing many sons to glory" ( Hebrews 2:10 , and God will not shield us from the requirements of sonship. God’s grace produces men and women with a strong family likeness to Jesus Christ, not pampered, spoiled weaklings. It takes a tremendous amount of discipline to live the worthy and excellent life of a disciple of Jesus in the realities of life. And it is always necessary for us to make an effort to live a life of worth and excellence.

psalms 142:4-6

2005-07-06T00:52:00.000+08:00

Look to my right and see;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.

I cry to you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living."

Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.

healing and unconditional love

2005-07-06T00:10:00.000+08:00

From "Wisdom Moment", one of the Shepherd's Care Ministries sites

We must learn to accept love by not judging. Not judging means being open and understanding, not wanting to judge others, not wanting to put others in their place, not putting others down, and not wanting to think poorly of them. Instead of judging others, we must strive to put others only in God's arms. We must learn to accept others without letting our approving or disapproving of what they do or who they are interfere with our ability to love them. Giving acceptance means loving without expecting anything in return. When we give acceptance, we release tremendous energy for healing. When we give acceptance, love becomes more than emotion. In acceptance, love becomes a physiological reality and may cure illness. In acceptance, healing is a releasing of our fears causing us to love without conditions. When we can love in acceptance without any conditions, we know peace. When we can love in acceptance without conditions, we can live without fear, anger, pain, or guilt. When we can love without conditions, we can love totally independent from any physical condition. When we can love without any conditions, we are winning. Loving without any conditions may require we give up many beliefs and attitudes. One of our goals in life should be to know the peace and serenity of God's unconditional love. Healing is a side benefit of unconditional love.

On my way home just now, my two kneecaps were giving problems today when I was climbing the steps of the overhead bridge or even boarding the bus... actually, all the while the problems were there, just that I did not seek any treatments. What is there to treat for these lousy kneecaps ?

Now, that got me thinking further - not so much of the treatment thing, but how will we react when our physical body is breaking into pieces ? can't walk lah, can't bend down lah ... or even when our physical body is being attacked by funny diseases or cancerous cells? Will we become very emotional and cry out to God that the pain and sufferings are not justifiable ? ... or will we demand that God to heal us and if He does not, we will become disappointed with Him or reject Him forever?

... or do we continue to praise and worship Him, give Him thanks despite of these problems, continue to hold on to His promise, and trust in Him to fulfill His plans in our lives ?

Eventually, it's all about our choice.. and that choice is somehow being determined by the depth of the relationship we have built with God. The more we spend time with Him, the more we read and meditate on His words, the more we hear and understand His heartbeat, the deeper the relationship goes ... the choice will become much more obvious - we will be able to choose the latter very easily, no matter how long it takes.

One thing for sure ... our pains and sufferings are nothing compared to what Christ has done for us on the cross on the Calvary and the glory that will be revealed in us.

day 4 and 5

2005-07-05T22:48:00.000+08:00

Had "fruits" fast over dinner just now and finished doing Day 4 and Day 5 of the booklet.

".. Living such crazily-rushed life ... busy about much yet achieving so little". Sounds so familiar. My energy level is draining faster than I thought. I need to learn to slow down... to rest in Him, to be soaked into His presence, to wait upon Him patiently, slow to speak but fast to hear.

Can I leave now ?

"and the word witness came to mean martyr - one who dies as a witness for Jesus". Is that why there are so few witnesses around in this world filled with lost ones?

cr2

2005-07-05T01:09:00.000+08:00

Another hot day at Padang as usual. Thankfully, I did not burn my face but my arms weren't spared. Definitely can get a good tan in my swimming trunks but to do that at Padang, I'll get thrown behind bars.

Saw the "Monster" and "DragonFly" in action during the mobile column rehearsal and it brought back some memories when I was still an active serviceman. Monster is the nickname for the Combat Engineer Vehicle (CEV) which it used to plow the minefield while Dragonfly is the nickname for Armoured Vehicle Launched Bridge (AVLB) and those were the vehicles used in my former combat engineer unit, besides M113. Its engines, when running, can be deafening to the ears if you are standing just right beside it. And I remembered I got involved in escorting these vehicles for don't-know-how-many weekends from camp to Padang area for NDP1990 mobile column.

Uncle Jimmy told me that he was initially kind of angry with Serene because she decided to extend her stay in that country. He did not want to visit her in September and he did not want to speak to her after hearing the news. Somehow, by the fourth day, he could not take it any more. He eventually sms her and then decided to visit her much later, after his project is over. Oh, the love of the father to his children. :)

Guess what was lunch and dinner ? Pizza Hut and KFC... oh man, not again? I thought I saw contingents of fried chickens marching into the Padang field which was made up of pizza crust and cheese ... hahaha, call this the side effects of fasting during NDP rehearsal .. :P

Some photos uploaded. Click here.

[40-day fast]

At last, I managed to secure a hardcopy of the booklet on Sunday, but only got to start the reading today when I should have begun last Friday. At least, I cleared 1 Jul to 3 Jul this evening ... see if I can avoid procrastinating and accomplish the rest of the 40-day fast faithfully.

tell your own story

2005-06-30T22:49:00.000+08:00

by Jeff Lee (idevote.org)

"This is what happened to me, and now you know why I love Jesus so much," the speaker ended.
"Wow!" several of his spellbound audience nodded.
"I am going to tell my kids this," someone added.
"Well, you'll have to tell your own story," he answered. "They want to hear what God has done in your life, not my story or someone else's."

Storytelling is the most effective way to convey and pass on moral lessons. In every culture, the core value is always transmitted in oral tradition, the powerful storytelling from one generation to the next.

We should be telling stories too.

Listen, dear friends, to God's truth, bend your ears to what I tell you. I'm chewing on the morsel of a proverb; I'll let you in on the sweet old truths, Stories we heard from our fathers, counsel we learned at our mother's knee. We're not keeping this to ourselves, we're passing it along to the next generation-- GOD's fame and fortune, the marvelous things he has done. Psa. 78:1 -4 (MSG)

It is our responsibility to teach our next generation the Biblical truth, but telling them the stories of how amazing and faithful God is to ME, is equally important.

When we stop telling our stories, God dies not only in our memory, but in the mind and imagination of our listeners.

Do I not have any good stories to tell about Him?

visit to sgh

2005-06-30T22:25:00.000+08:00

Went down to SGH with Chui Lee during lunch. Her dad was admitted due to stroke. He's in the neuro ward but not within the ICU room which requires special attention. Though he could respond, it was slow. He looked very thin and tired, his speech was quite slurred. Chui Lee did a massage for him, while I read Romans 8 from the chinese Bible... read until he literally dozed off... Ok, fine, I admit my cina language sucks big time lah ah ... hahaha... I can still laugh at my own linguistic handicap.

Tomorrow begins the 40-day fast.. Game plan is to cut my dinner meal to just fruits first and then gradually to nil. On Saturdays, Sundays and public holidays, it will be nil intake for lunch. Knowing that I have a great tendency to gobble up any edible food that appear before my very eyes, I want to be accountable to someone for the 40-day fast ... anyone willing ?

Tomorrow's 40-Day Fast Prayer Concert will be at Singapore Expo. Hooray! Got to hitch a free ride from Chui Lee after work. No need to squeeze with the crowd inside the bus to Bouna Vista MRT and in the train to Expo Station.... that's provided she's not arrowed for any last-minute meeting outside office in the afternoon.

McD is going to close for the day... time to go home and charge up my Motorola's walkie talkie batteries.

saddened

2005-06-29T22:41:00.000+08:00

24 year old SAF regular drowned during training in CNB...
19 year old NSF died during informal jog in Tekong...
3 young kids drowned during this June school holidays...

Death is always lurching around the corner and waiting to pounce on us when we least expect it. In other words, it's inevitable to escape from death. But I just felt that their death could have probably been avoided. They could have many more fruitful years ahead of them, but being cut short by the fatal mishaps.

I don't know if anyone of these precious ones had been saved by Him.

Whenever I read such news, it somehow saddens me very much. And if I know they weren't saved, it makes me even more saddened. How I wish I could take their place instead. If I can be given the option, I don't mind taking their place so that they can be given a second chance to continue to live life to the fullest and the opportunity to know Jesus if they have not.

peeling effects

2005-06-28T22:40:00.000+08:00

The peeling effect had begun on my face, especially my forehead, after the sunburn last Saturday. It peeled so badly that other colleagues were probaby wondering if I was suffering from some AIDS or HIV virus. Now, my forehead looked so flaky that I could feel some old dead skin are still being stuck on my face. Hmmm, what else can I say, except Praise the LORD! Hopefully by tomorrow morning, it will improve.

I need motivation ... lots of it ... in doing my office work. Getting more and more lethargic and bored with my routine work which is not very good sign. Is it me or is it the nature of the work ... or is it His way of getting me bored so that I am more willing to leave my job ? Hur.. for now, I don't know. Have to seek Him out.

Guess what ? I actually loved the Initial D movie after catching with Joel last Sunday afternoon... especially the racing scenes. Am I crazy or what ?

Still got a project report to clear and submit it by tomorrow. Got to bring it home to work on it later after I have a quick bite ..... YAWNZZZZ.

cr1

2005-06-26T00:09:00.000+08:00

Verdict - very siong!

Had to move between City Hall, Central Band location, FUP1 and Beach Road Camp from morning to night. Can literally forget about lunch, dinner and water consumption ... there's no time to even catch a break, not even a pee break... In fact, there's nothing for me to pee... I was already totally dehyrated by the time I returned to Control Room to consume my supposedly lunch at 8.30pm and go for debrief and gulped down two bottles of isotonic drink.

I really look like a half-baked lobster - red on the face, neck and part of lower arms.. the rest are pale. Cham liao, I'm going to feel the sunburn effect pretty soon. And no, you may not have me for dinner.

At the City Hall, I bumped into 2WO Law who was my line instructor and a SGT 16 years ago... and she could still remember me. Hahaha.. very suay.. got arrowed to do the safety role with the medics for the marching contingents whereas she is actually a Signal CSM in a ADA squadron ... Hmm, talk about cross-training of roles, man. At night, during the debrief, I bumped into "Serene the Chia" (not "Serene the Kong") from coos urbankidz. She also got arrowed for this year's NDP again after I last met her in NDP2003.

Next week, I better remember to bring my sunscreen lotion before I turn from a half-baked lobster into some burnt offering... :P

Time to bathe and sleep .. Got to wake up early for PA duty... haizz.. so much for hoping to sleep late into the morning.

survived

2005-06-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

I survived a 20-minute run in the evening... of course, it was on the treadmill and not around the Science Park. Thought I may end up like the recent 39-year old SAF regular who suddenly dropped dead during his routine run... but thank God, I did not. But if that really happens, the world will be rejoicing because it has one mouth less to feed. However, with all the recent occurences of my head-spinning symptoms ... just short of the darkness all around me, it's about time I make an appointment for my entitled medical checkup and see if I'm really starting to suffer from hypertension.

Sometimes, I just envy those people who had the luxury of spending time with their dad on a father-son outing cum bonding - shopping, dinner, movies, chatting over coffee.... I would love to, but not possible at all. Well, under the "Bo3 Bian3 Act" what to do?

hectic

2005-06-23T16:01:00.000+08:00

This week is quite a hectic week, juggling between project work and NDP, plus covering duties from another colleague who is away on leave ... wanted to go for cell on Wednesday night but ended up performing sound system checks in City Hall ... oh yeah, that's working life.

Must dig time out to exercise to rid my body fats.

Must dig time out to spend time with God ... ooops, sorry Pa.. :x

The motivation to move out of this job is still lingering in my mind very strongly .. He has yet to reveal anything as to exactly where I should head for, but for now, it's spending time to seek Him out while carry on working. I hope I'm currently on the right path and pacing which He wants me to take. I don't want to leave the job just purely out of my own compulsion, but because I want to give my all to serve Him for the rest of my life and it is His time for me to embark that second journey. Maybe it is easier for me to make such a decision while I'm still single, and not after marriage with kids which such burdens may just easily weigh me down.

Booked 3 Corrinne May's concert tickets via SISTIC. Anybody (those whom I know) wants to join me for this 90 minutes concert ... for free ? Concert is on 10 Aug 05 (1930hrs) and I have 2 tickets up for grabs.

singapore youth award

2005-06-20T15:40:00.000+08:00

The news is officially released at 1436hrs over the ChannelNewsAsia website.

Ps Glenn is one of the 6 recipients of Singapore Youth Award. He will be receiving his award from "Small Lee" at the Istana this coming Saturday.

WooT!

[An extract of 1714hrs posting ... ChannelNewsAsia website]

********************************

EX-DRUG ADDICT ONE OF SINGAPORE YOUTH AWARD WINNERS
By Valerie Tan, Channel NewsAsia

SINGAPORE: An ex-convict is one of the winners of the Singapore Youth Award this year.

The Singapore Youth Awards, considered Singapore's highest honour given to anyone below the age of 35, are given out annually to Singaporeans whose lives and accomplishments are inspirations to society.

34-year-old Glenn Lim, a rock guitarist, was high on drugs nearly 20 years ago.

He experimented with soft drugs like marijuana and LSD at age 15.

In 1994, he was arrested for trafficking 350 grammes of marijuana in Singapore.

He was nearly sentenced to life imprisonment.

But in mitigation, the judge sentenced Glenn to six months' jail and drug rehabilitation.

Thankful for the second chance, Glenn joined Teen Challenge as a counsellor to other drug addicts.

Glenn is now a youth pastor who regularly shares his life stories with students at schools.

To date, he has reached more than 10,000 students and members of the public.

But rock and roll still runs in his blood.

Glenn organises rock concerts for youths to help them express themselves through music and the arts.

Glenn won this year's Singapore Youth Award for Community and Youth Services.

"This award is clearly a recognition and evidence that anyone with a background or painful experience is able to turn good, make good and contribute back to society," he said.

********************************

If God can change Paul from a prosecutor to an apostle and Glenn from a drug addict to a youth pastor cum counsellor, He can change anyone from the bad to the good for the manifestation of His glory. With God, nothing is impossible.

you raise me up

2005-06-20T13:40:00.000+08:00

[by Josh Groban]

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up: To more than I can be.

Thank you, Heavenly Dad! :")

why do we fall?

2005-06-19T21:28:00.000+08:00

Little Bruce Wayne accidentally fell into an unused well behind his manor (actually, it was an underground cavern) and woke up a bunch of bats. The bats were obviously frightened but little Bruce was definitely much more frightened by its sheer number swarming towards him. His father, Thomas, lowered himself down the well to pick him up. He looked at his son lovingly and asked, "Why do we fall?". Bruce didn't know how to answer. Then, his dad said, "So we can learn to pick ourselves up".

Somehow, I could just sense God was talking to me on this. And Bob Carlisle's song came flashing in my mind

"We fall down, we get up
We fall down, we get up
We fall down, we get up
And the saints are just the sinners
who fall down ... and get up"

[happy dad's day]

Ps Glenn's family were present for the Sunday service. At the end of the sermon and screening of "Green Grass", Glenn invited his father to the stage, asking for forgiveness, reconciliation .. and prayed for him ... and at the end of it, both hugged each other tightly. The congregation clapped and wept. I couldn't even hold myself back too.

I wished I could do the same with my earthly dad, but that's not possible anymore.

"He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers..." Malachi 4:6

To God ... my Heavenly Dad, happy father's day to you !

signposts

2005-06-17T22:39:00.000+08:00

The conference had been very fruitful and enriching. Just don't know where to begin, but learned quite a lot, especially Ps Edmund's sharings - really no holds barred in expounding the Word of God. Some workshops were quite eye-opening especially the trends and happenings around the 10/40 window ... and guessed who shared the testimony during "Discerning God's Call" workshop ? Chris who was my group leader in the last CWMC. Heard of his testimony before during that course but listening to it again today was still quite enriching and motivating. Then, the workshop went into discussing the 9 signposts of Discerning God's Call... and I suddenly remembered Ps Peter Koh gave me a word on directional signs during last Sunday service. I believed those directional signs he spoke of was the 9 signposts on Discerning God's Call which was shared today -

1. Word of God
2. The Holy Spirit
3. Circumstances / Open Doors
4. Godly Counsel
5. Wisdom
6. Your Gifting
7. Visions, Dreams, Prophecies...
8. Burdens which can't be put down
9. God's timing

Firstly, I have to seek His will for me. Then, I have to be prepared to obey what He has called me to, even if it means outside my comfort zone, even if it means going through pains and sufferings, even if it means physical death to this body of mine. Sounds scary ? I don't deny that.

Interestingly, the YWAM DTS programme and TRIBUTE programme brochure stirred my heart quite a bit. TRIBUTE is an Anglican Diocese's initiative which allows people to serve God for a year - short term stint if you like. Boon Ann was nudging me to sign up. Hang on ... the form requires Vicar's signature ... Ps Derek's signature? You must be kidddddding. Got to pray and do some litmus tests. If it's a "ON" thing, I'll quit my job and embark on a totally new journey which only God knows where it will lead me to. Won't deny that fear and confusion may just come knocking at my head, have to learn to overcome that by reaffirming the fact that God's will is always perfect and sovereign.

What else ? Oh yeah, James Hudson Taylor IV, the great-grandson of James Hudson Taylor who founded OMF, spoke in Mandarin during last night's rally ... the poor local chinese pastor was struggling in translating it to English .. and Taylor ended up helping to do some corrections. His Mandarin was very good, more powerful than mines.. hear that? No wonder the rally attacted a hugh crowd and a lot of old aunties and uncles were there.

Tomorrow's NDP system testing in the morning. Will miss the morning pleanary session, but hope to make it for the afternoon workshops - Empowering Youths for missions and East Timor (shouldn't have opted for it, Lai Kheng shared it during Fever 05 Prayer Concert in May and she's repeating this in the workshop .. bleah). But will definitely be looking forward to Ps Rick Seaward's sharing at the night rally. Then, on Sunday morning, I will be hopping back to coos to hear Ps Glenn's "Father's Day" sermon.

I think Mr B is very close of salvation, if not saved yet. He's been regularly sending emails to me and some people on God's Daily Words ... whoa! He has never done this perviously and recently these two weeks, he's been doing that almost every other day! Believe me, this can only be God's handiwork, because Mr B would chase away anyone who tried to share the gospel with him. Yup, he's changed indeed. :)

Got sms from Isaac last night ... Jhovanie was prayed by a pastoral staff on the gift of tongues and he can speak it on the third day .. but he's not sure! WOOOOOOOOO!!! I believe he has it, he just need to put it into constant usage. Will have to try ask Grace or Simon to check on him.

Hey, what Devil's Advocate ah? You were itching for the waffle and the frappachino lah, so I try to help you to make you fill guilty and then kill the tastebud mah... hahaha. GMM? Prayer harder ... bwahahaha.

mission to find lunch or lost souls ?

2005-06-16T00:10:00.000+08:00

I think I spoke too soon. Just by spending the afternoon at the exhibition area visiting the booths and mingling with the people, I could sense that Pa was waiting to pounce on me by surprise on the issue of missions and full time. Well, in the first place, I did pray, ask and commit. Be careful of what you are asking for when you petition to God, because as long as it is in His sovereign will, you bet He's going to answer you sooner than you expect it. But then again, as long as it is His sovereign will, and He's leading, what is there to loose ? Is it because that I'm afraid to leave behind my water jar at Jacob's Well ? Sometimes, I do. But at the evening's rally, Bishop Dr Solomon gave the congregation another profound perspective on finishing His will through the passage on the Samaritan Woman and Jesus at the Jacob's Well (John 4). Here's a summary

Jesus - Jesus had to go through Samaria (v4). It was believed that Jesus did it by choice. In those days, Jews and Samaritan just didn't mingle with each other. Jews were the upper class people and the Samaritan were on the other end of the scale. but Jesus had to go through. I believed He knew there was a job to do, part of the Father's will to be there to accomplish something - to speak to the Samaritan Woman and to bring the good news to the people. He was probably hungry and thristy, but more hungry and thirsty for the lost souls than the empty stomach. His food was to "to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work" (v34). He gave an opportunity for the Samaritan Woman to confess her sins, and to offer a living water which she would never have to thirst again. Jesus crossed all cross-culturals boundaries (Jews and Samaritan, man and woman ...) and broke down all barriers to reach out to the woman. He brought dignity to the woman and the woman brought the town to Him.

Disciples - they had gone into the town called Sychar to buy food or lunch. They were on a mission to find lunch, because they were hungry. At that time, they were hungry because their tummies were growling. They weren't not on the "hungry mission" to find the lost souls in Samaria. The food took precedence in their agenda in Sychar. They could have the opportunity to bring good news to the town folks, like what Jesus did to the woman, but they didn't. Their bodily hunger overwhelmed them.

The Woman - within a short span of time conversing with Jesus, her way of addressing Jesus had changed from Jew, to Sir, to Prophet, to Messiah. She recognised Jesus as the Messiah very quickly, while the disciples were still calling Him, "Rabbi". And she left her water jar at the well to tell the people the good news. The water jar could have been her precious possession and she just left it by the well and ran to tell others about Jesus.

Every lost soul is a major tragedy for God. Even the shepherd would leave his ninety-nine sheeps in the pen and go out to find that one lost sheep.

Are we like the disciples or Christ ? That answer would probably determine the harvest we are reaping. We will miss the opportunity to reach the lost if our mission is only to find our lunch to satisfy our personal needs. Am I really willing to leave behind my water jar and tell others the good news ? Are we ?

Missionary's call is to sign up first and find your call later - that's where Pa pounced on me during the altar call.

Saw Gregory in the rally, he actually pon-tanked the Radiate youth camp to attend the conference. Then, bumped into Tinn after the rally. She's attending the conference and she's meeting Raphie the next morning.

Very interestingly, I've bumped into quite a number of people who are actually from the same church as me and we've not actually met. Ek Hoon from CRS and I are from same church - she's nearly 30 years or so and I'm 20 years - and it was through the Tsunami relief that I first met her... oops... wah... very mah-lu, man... hahahaha.

Time to zzz. Tomorrow's conference starting at 8.30am. Tinn thought it was 9am. :P. And it will be a day to go on diet because I was slotted for duty at Booth 18 during lunch and dinner. Hope to loose some fats.

[side reflections]

I don't know if I'm a difficult person to talk to or to interact... or am I a person who is too stuck-up to strike a conversation? I really don't know because I really can't tell. But I would really like to know if I am one such bozo, so I can learn and change for the better. I'm quite an introvert by nature (the shyness, the fear of rejections ...), but would like to learn not to let that nature affect the interaction with people. Only you can tell me the facts and truths.

keyaki

2005-06-15T00:56:00.000+08:00

It had been somehow an annual ritual for me and my mom to eat at Keyaki. It's a really once-a-year thingy where we just indulged ourselves in that jap setting and nuah there. Not only was it a lovely place, with koi fish pond and a mini-garden outside the building which looked as if I was already back in Japan for a second visit, but so was the price on the menu. Well, so happened that my mom was craving for jap food last Sunday evening and I had the so-called discount which we paid only half the bill. The next visit is going to be in 2006.

[go4th]

Other than Saturday which I have to work for at least in the morning, the go4th is going to be a good break for me to stay away from the office. Not only just looking forward to the conference, and looking forward to get zapped by Pa. And if He does zap me, it will be sayonara to my company. Seriously, with probably less than half of my life to go, I would really want to do something "more meaningful" for Pa - that something could just be anything He wants me to do. At least, for a start, I'll be helping to man the CRS booth (nos 18) during the lunch and dinner breaks on Thursday.

Interestingly, the word "missions" have been popping up very frequently. Crisis Relief in Sri Lanka is already a mission, Go4th is already a conference on world missions, COOS recently organised the condensed world missions course and will be organising a missions festival next month. Truely, the Lord is returning, and it may probably be sooner than we expect it to be.

Ps Glenn Lim will be speaking on all 4 services this weekend as part of the Father's Day celebration. There will also be a special screening of "Green Grass", a government-commissioned short film based on Glenn's life, at all the services. Was told by Ps Derek that somewhere next week, Glenn's going to get something from "Small Lee" who is not so small actually - a living testimony on God's grace and how He can transform someone living on drugs to a mighty soldier for His glory.

And talk about mighty soldier, I'm reminded of gez and family again. They fought for more than a week and they are still fighting with Pa as their pillar of strength and hope. I am already quite handicapped and don't know how else to help or what words to say... except to pray and hope. To you, my utmost respect and salutation I give. Jiayou!

ndp work

2005-06-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

NDP work at Padang officially began today for me. No rehearsal though, but there were system checks to do. By the time all were done, I could forget about going for youth service. Accessing City Hall on a Saturday afternoon was a bit troublesome, got to book in and change pass two times. All that will be resolved when the our NDP pass are being issued. Got to see the rooftop, and my goodness, it was messy because works were still ongoing. The last time I was on the rooftop was some medical coverage on some national healthy lifestyle event quite a number of years back. Thank goodness, I need not have access to rooftop.

Met GaryK at Shaw Towers in the evening. He just returned from Beijing this morning from a job interview. He was offered a job but currently still negotiating on the salary. Somehow, szehui has no objections to his potential new work. At the end of this year, he and szehui will tie the ceremonial knot. One member less from the lonely hearts club.

Received Richard's mail last night but I only just managed to have the opportunity to open and read it... shall try to translate it into English, hope Isaac will be reading this and relay it to Ezra:

God's peace and grace be with you. Thank God. All is peaceful for past 3 months plus. In village MP (the one we went on our last trip), there's a change in command and the new commander is from the thai tribe. But thank God, his wife is a chinese and he also knows how to communicate in Mandarin. Though there are some changes, under God's protection, everything is smooth. At N_P_ village (halfway to village MP), there's tension as the govt soldiers wants the "mountain soldiers" to surrender their weapons, but all has stablised. Thank God. The number of children in the House of Love has increased by another 5 kids. Now, there are 20 children in total and out of which, 3 are studying in bible college. THere are two co-workers. One is in MP (ah mao), and another one (Ma Jinneng laoshi) is serving in the House of Love. Every night, we have tuition for kids from 6.30pm to 8pm, and bible study + praise and worship + memorisation of verses from 8pm to 9.15pm. The average attendance who are joining the nightly meetings is around 50 to 60 youths, all between age of 7 to 18. During the day, we also took the opportunity to visit them and their parents. We believe that God has His arrangements and plans. Hope you can keep us in prayers in this area, and hope that all of you can come and visit us. Please relay the message to Bro Ezra. Thanks.

Richard sent me a photo which he took during one of their meetings in the House of Love. Whoa! I was really encouraged by how God is actively involved in expanding this ministry after seeing the number of youths on the photo. wOOt! Richard's labour in the House of Love is bearing fruits!